It's Springtime for Shannon and Germany

Any time I hear "It's springtime" all I can think of is The Producers....anyway...

So I'm walking to the bus today after a morning matinee full of screaming children. I'm in my all too common black pants, black tank, black hoodie and black jacket...sensing a theme in my work uniform? Anyway, I'm walking downtown and realize I'm hotter than a whorehouse on payday (a line in the play i'm doing right now). I look around and there are people wearing sandals and t-shirts. Now I realize its warm out, but come on...flip flops already?

This made me think about something which I know all Minnesotans will understand. Why is it that as soon as the temp rises above 43 degrees we all think it's summer? I mean, its 45 right now and I'm considering walking out in a t-shirt and no jacket! Yet come September, when it dips down to 47 degrees, we'll all be digging out the wool sweaters and mittens. Its something that's always seemed odd to me.

So, welcome spring! I'm glad its 45 and sunny. Although its supposed to be 33 and snowy tomorrow...god i love Minnesota weather!

the 500 hats of Tony Sims

I can't believe its taken me 5 days to finish writing this, but here it is...

Well, another Thursday night has come and gone. The new slutzilla was there with her boobs hanging out of her crocheted shirt and her cowboy hat that is trying to look like Smokey's. She's such a slut; screaming and drinking and using the air microphone...but she's hot I guess, so people will do her. Even Matt crossed to the dark side and went over to talk to her! Traitor! Hey slutzilla, PS- if you're wearing ugly shoes, don't put them up on bar.

The band was in rare form. After the first set, they all came out wearing hats (minus Tony- I later found out he's just too cool to wear a hat) Dave was wearing one of Smokey's old hats, and Ryan was wearing a news boy hat. Tony was offered a fishing hat, but said "This is cute" and threw it to the floor. Apparently he's not into hats...that'd mess up his hair.

Now I'm sorry Jean, but I have to write about the best part of the night. At the end of the night, Jean went to the batroom for the 47th time and I was left sitting alone. Well, who should notice this, but Dave. Ahh Dave....take off that damn hat! I must admit, it made him look a bit chubbier and as Jean points out, "He wouldn't be so fat if he drank Bud LIGHT". Well, fat or not, at least mine came to talk to me! Anyway, Dave comes and sits next to me and we chat for a while...and by chat I mean me bringing up subjects and him answering the briefly. Man this band needs to learn how to talk to thier fans!!! Well, we talk talk about Tony and how he's too cool to wear hats...and he's definitely not a fisherman...But, when he was ready to leave, he slid he hand on my leg and said, "I'll see you next week!" That's right sir you will..and perhaps I'll follow the MMC tradition by taking off my pants! Tony, on the other hand, spent the evening talking to slutzilla at the bar...sorry Jean!

UPDATE: We went to Raggs on Friday night and Tony was there...with Slutzilla. They were actually there together. Jean, remember...I always have my Leatherman with me and it has 2 knives, a saw, and a screwdriver or two (you know, for really gory mauling), so just let me know when we should use it on slutzilla!

Why Don't We Have Boyfriends?

So I was out at Keegan's with Matt last night, listening to Dave work out some new songs, and we started the age old conversation: "Why don't we have boyfriends?" This made me think of many things I've heard over the last few days about this subject.

My mother is convinced that one reason I don't have a boyfriend is that I belch. Not alot, and not in mixed company. But at home, yes its true...I do. I blame Ryan and Jean for this habit. So last night my mom says to Matt, "I'm sure that's why she doesn't have a boyfriend" to which Matt very matter-of-factly replied, "No, that's not why." But he didn't expand on that. Well, apparently he knows the secret answer but isn't sharing.

Someone else made an interesting comment about my looks the other day. Now, I know I'm not drop dead gorgeous (also a great movie), but I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm unattractive. Well, this person I was talking to put it in an interesting way: "You're cute. You're even more cute because of your great personality (gee thanks). You're like Selma Blair. She's cute, but she's not hot. Salma Hayek, now she's hot! So, you're Selma Blair, not Salma Hayek" Well thank you for that intersting observation. I guess I should be happy I'm Selma Blair and not Selma Bouvier!

Of course another point to be made is that I'm often out with gay men. I don't know many straight guys...I mean even all the tech people at the theatre are women! So perhaps I need to find different venues...and Matt needs to stop hanging out with all the straight girls...then maybe he'll find a boyfriend too!

But I suppose I shouldn't complain. There's this great invisible man in my life. Tall, dark, and handsome...good listener...well educated...into art...very sexy. Too good to be true? Perhaps. Too cliche? Maybe. But a pretty good invisible man I must admit. If only he were here in person! I'm sure that's how everyone feels! Ok, that's enough of wallowing in my single depression...I'm sure there's some chocolate somewhere in this house!

Bongo the Rooster

Reason number 213 why I love my job: Bongo the rooster.

(A picture will soon be added)

That's correct, in my highly prestigious job (where I make $175.00 a week), I now get to take care of a rooster. In the current production of Fireball (which is actually a very beautiful show...you should come) there is a live chicken. So, we procured a chicken from the co-writer's hippie friend. Actually we have 2 chickens (apparently they're very social animals). So we have the actor chicken who has been named bongo (apparently in rehearsal, bongos were the stand in for the chicken) and we have Bongo's friend, Spot (who is actually stripped...don't ask)

Now initially Bongo was going to be Stage Left...thank god...since I'm stage right. Plus I'm already running the revolving stage, fog, and 3,000,000 costume changes in a 5'x5'' space. So have time/room for a chicken??? No. Although neither does the Stage Left ASM. Well, much to my joy last night, I found out that Bongo will indeed be living on my side of the stage, which means I'm the one who has to keep him from crowing during the show...which he likes to do. So Bongo and I sat down to have a chat:
Shannon: Listen Bongo, if we're gonna be friends, or at least co-workers, we have to compromise.
Bongo: Buck (head bob)
Shannon: If you promise to keep it down backstage, I promise not to drop your cage when I'm carrying you up the stairs.
Bongo: Buck-gock (head bob)
Shannon: Fine, I also promise to change the papers in your cage so you don't have to lie in your own poo.
Bongo: Buc-Buck-Bugock (head bob, leg kick)
Shannon: Ok, I also promise that the BBQ chicken and grill props are never in the same room as you.
Bongo: Bu-Bu-Bu Cock!!! (ruffles feathers)
Shannon: I'll take that as a deal.

So Bongo and I have come to terms with our new working relationship. He also stipulated that he wants a star on his big cage in the tech office...I'll see what I can do. Man I love my job!

The Gopher Bar

Ok, so I've been getting shit from Ms. Prokott for not writing things in my blog. Unfortunately, she knows that I have many blog-worthy stories, but neither the time nor ambition to always write them So, here is a story from a few weeks ago....

On closing day of To Kill a Mockingbird, which was a joy to work on let me tell you, my stage manager took me out for a celebratory drink....and hot dog. "What?" you say. What kind of celebration is a hot dog? Well good sir, I say you have not had a hot dog til you have had a Coney dog from the Gopher Bar in St. Paul- "Best Coney's in Town" is their slogan. And I must admit, I've never had a better Coney...in fact I'd never had a Coney til that day.

Now before going to the Gopher Bar, I'd heard stories. I heard it was a delightfully white trash bar that didn't even serve Jack Daniels because "it's too expensive." One word: Classy. Well, I didn't let the rumors scare...I wanted to experience the Gopher Bar in all its white trash glory...and I did.

Kara and I went to the Gopher Bar at 12:30pm on a Wednesday afternoon. We actually had a hard time finding a seat. Apparently these Coneys are no secret. Upon going through the screen door with the sticker of Osama Bin Laden saying "Terrorists Wanted: Dead or Alive" I was greeted by a haze of smoke and smell of beer and grease. Ahhhhhh. Yes, this is where I'd be eating lunch. A waitress came and wiped the ashes off our table and asked what we'd like to drink. Too early for beer? No sir. We'll take two of your best Pabst Blue Ribbons...tap please. That's right...$1.00 PBRs on tap at the Gopher Bar...gotta love it. After bringing our beers, she carded us...yes. After she served us. Anyway...This was also when she put the wax paper place mats in front of us. Careful, that seraded edge can be dangerous! Well we ordered our Coney dogs (hot dog covered in ground beef) with cheese and onions and sat back to wait for the food. While admiring the decor of the Gopher Bar I saw signs above the bar. Signs written in magic marker on manila envelopes taped to the bar. These signs, which were hung crooked, said; "No fucking checks" and "No fucking credit cards". Well, gets the point across doesn't it. I was tempted to ask the waitress if they accepted traveler's checks, but though I might get my ass kicked.

And then it was time to eat. The Coney dogs were brought out in little paper containers (picture muffin tin papers for a hot dog) and placed on our wax paper place mats. At this point, the PBR was almost gone, but I chose not to order another. Surprisingly, the dogs were good. Best in town in fact. When we finished, we paid in cash and headed out the squeaky screen door. I must take Jean here...she'll love it. So, if you're hungry for a hot dog, head to the Gopher Bar, just make sure you have cash!

My Mo in MO weekend

Well, I've been back from Saint louis for a couple days now. It was a geat trip, but rather than give a big long story about it, I'll try to summarize the things I learned/did.

-the Saint Louis Science Center sucks. The best thing about it was the mulitple opportunities for inapprpriate pictures. We learned that the temperature of my cleavage was 77.6 degrees! And this man with a fever loved it!


Ryan on the other hand, learned how to wrestle a cow!
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/195/2925/320/cow.jpg

-If you want a St. Louis Steamers scarf, get there VERY early on fan appreciation night. God I wish they'd been playing Cleveland!

-"Pour Some Sugar on Me" is a great song...even at a dueling piano's bar!

-Changing in a train yard is cool...especially when you're fogging up the windows of your best friend's Jetta. (had to get sexy for the gay bar!)

-Speaking of gay bar....not only do i miss them and love them, thank god for the "safe bathroom!" And apparently some drunk gay men think I'm crazy for being from Minnesota. They thought I talked funny. And at 3:00am after 4 vodka/crans, 3 red headed sluts, and a body shot of tequila, I probably did talk funny.

-Roman Holiday is great to watch when drinking a good Riesling, eating great pasta, and sitting with your best friend.

-It's hard to win RISK when Ryan controls Asia and attacks Alaska.

-Midwest Connect is a cheap airline for a reason...I had to push the plane down the runway.

Well, those are some of the things i learned this weekend in St. Louis. I had a fabulous time eating, drinking, taking inappropriate pictures, eating cake in coffee shops....now its back to work tomorrow:(

Happy Valentine's Day...Stalker!

Well, this year may just have been the best Valentine's Day ever...not that I have many good ones to compare it too. I think I've only actually been dating someone once during Valentines Day...hmmm, sort of a sad existence! So anyway, Rachel, Matt, and I decided to head out for a singles night on this traditional night of couples. Rachel actually informed us that it's St. Valentines Day because on this date St. Valentine was in jail and wrote a love letter to Somone...is this true? I'm way too lazy to look it up. So, ultimately, February the 14th is celebrating convicts sending love letters?!?!? If this is the case, how in the world have I not received a letter from a sexy man in prison?

But, on to the night....We decided to unofficially start our Irish pub crawl and head to Keegan's Irish Pub, one that I've never been to. We head on over to NE Minneapolis for a night of Guiness (or Harp in my case), cigarettes, and commiserating. We get to the door of the pub and I notice a familiar name: "Live music by David Burkart 8pm" What? No way...must be some other musician named Dave Burkart in the cities. This couldn't possibly be my favorite member of the Tony Sims Band! So we walk in and the beautiful words to "Heart of the Matter" great us. Sure enough, its my man! After he gives us wink and a quick "hi" in the middle of his song, we take our seats a respectable distance away. At this point in the evening, I realize that we must look like total stalker...though I'm not sure I really care because we get to listen to Dave's acoustic music for a few hours! It was great...his voice is amazing...those who have heard it will agree with me...but its even better hearing him by himself for a few hours! "Voice like a bird" is correct Tony Sims!

Well, after a while Dave came to talk to us (but not before he played "Yesterday"). We told him we didn't know he was playing and he was apparently glad we had stumbled upon him. After playing with my box for a while, he told me he used to have one that he kept a thermos and hotdog bun in. Now wouldn't that be a great V-day...Dave playing with my box...but no, it was my Audrey lunchbox/purse. He seemed genuinely upset that I wouldn't be at the MMC this week (probably concerned that that's one less person to buy him shots)...and that I'd be gone all summer. He suggested starting a video conferencing from the MMC to Winona this summer. Speaking of Winona, Dave's brother goes to school there. AND...Dave has played at Shyde's before...poor bastard. I suggested that the band head down for a gig this summer and he thought it was a good idea. I should look into it! Oh...and we found out that, yes, he does have a girlfriend in Mexico and she's coming back in a couple of months. Oh...and how sad...she was sick yesterday:(. God I love Mexico! I mean what's not to love? Enchiladas, tequila, cheap hookers, and delicious water!

Anyway, that's the night in a nutshell...it was a good night...good drinks, good music, and true love! And Rachel and I are starting careers as Dave's backup singers...he doesn't know this yet, but we were singing harmony to everything he played. We could do our own choreography!

The Mother F*&%#@^ Time

Well, I'm very excited today...In the tradition that I've started of working for very goo theatre companies for very little money, I will be working with the Great River Shakespeare Festival again this summer. I was pretty much offered the position and told that if I wanted it, they wanted me. Now if only I heard that in other areas of my life....hmmmm. I'm really excited to be working with them again. As many of you can confirm, I had a great time working with them last season. Its a close knit company, doing great theatre and having a lot of fun. It doesn't pay much, but that's perfectly ok with me...its well worth it. There is some sad news. The man I was convinced I would marry (aka "my future husband") is not in the acting company this season. I'm sure he's far too successful and has found a beautiful woman to make beautiful children with. Oh well...there are still a lot of fun people in the cast...including our former master carpenter turned actor who does a great rendition of "Maniac" with a welding mask on...anyway, on the other news.

Matt, Rae, and I headed down to the MMC for our first ever Tuesday night. The band was JB and the Routine featuring Jellybean Johnson. I learned a lot. First of all, they had great choreography....being former member of The Time. That's right...the mother fucking Time. O ee o ee o! Jay and Silent Bob love them and so does the MMC! Their dance moves were straight out of a Prince video. And they taught us all some valuable lessons. For instance, men: "Where my dawgs at??? Here's a lesson for my dawgs. Make sure women feel APPRESHATATED." That's right appreshatated. My spelling is approxiamate. Apparently its a new form of the word appreciate. Who knew??? Also...do not try to use reverse PHYSIOLOGY on JB. No sir...he's way too smart to fall for that! Rachel and I also noted a new fashion trend: when attending a concert by a rock/R&B group, it's perfectly acceptable to proudly wear your Yanni Concert Tour T-Shirt and butterfly clips in your hair. If wearing theis, clap loudly off-beat to the music.

All in all, its been a great few days...I got a job (though i lost a future husband) and got to see members of the mother fucking Time!!! And tomorrow is Tony Sims! Could the week get any better???

Let's Get Physical

Hold on to your hats everyone, I have some news that is sure to astound you all. I, Shannon O'Brien being of sound mind and body, went to a gym yesterday. That's right...a physical fitness center full of scary equipment that is sure to torture humans and people with tight bodies and fake breasts.

My friend Matt has been asking me for weeks to go with him and in a moment of weakness, I agreed. What was I thinking? Me? Working out at a gym, with a personal trainer no less. But I went...and survived.

Upon meeting the trainer, Jeff, I noticed that he was not only very fit and incredibly attractive, but he stands about 5'5". As I bent down to shake his hand, he asked, "What is your experience with resistance training?". It was all I had not to burst out laughing. Resistance training? Is that when you're at a bar and you RESIST the urge to drink another beer despite the fact you can't feel your teeth? (a feeling Jean is no doubt familiar with). So I looked at him and with all seriousness and said, "I don't workout." Jeff was not amused. He walked away from me. I hung my head in shame and followed him towards the perilous machinery.

Truth be told, it wasn't that bad. I made it through the hour long workout without passing out or vomiting, which is a plus in my book. Granted my legs are still a bit wobbly today from all the squats and calf raises, but all in all it was a decent experience. I might even go back. However, when Jeff asked if I was going to start a membership, I couldn't hold it in...I laughed. Again, Jeff was not amused. He walked away from me.

Of course the number of naked women in the locker room made me think twice about returning...I don't care how great your body is....walking around naked in front of total strangers must violate some societal rules. And for the love of god, when you're walking around naked, towel drying your hair, do not say "hi, how's it goin?" to the girl there in her sweats who is at the gym for the first time. It makes her uncomfortable. And please, PLEASE if you are going to towel dry your hair while naked, DO NOT bend over to do so. I beg you. I was not amused. I walked away.

I Choo Choo Choose You...

Amtrak sucks... at least 75% of the time. I was headed down to Chicago this past weekend for my interviews (which went well, but now i know i don't want the positions) and I was taking the good ol' train. Now, some of you may know my history with trains. It seems that the trips I plan using Amtrak never quite work out. Take for example spring break of 2003: I was heading to Chicago for a weekend of food and fun in Chicago. But I get a call the day before my trip to inform me that the train has been "slightly delayed" due to an avalanche and mudslide in Montana. No problem...slightly delayed? I can wait a couple hours. But no. Apparently Amtrak's definition of "slightly delayed" is 2 days! Well, it's good to know that your monopoly on train travel has given you the right to create new definitions Mr. Amtrak! But, on to the latest trip...

I get to the station at 7:10 in the morning bright eyed and bushy tailed (what does that even mean???) after a delightful evening with Lance and Tony Sims. The second I get in the station I hear the hubbub: "There's been a derailment", "running late", "delayed a few hours", sending a bus", "no I will not have sex with you". So I get up the funny looking little Amtrak employee and he tells me that there has been a freight train derailment in St. Cloud and the Amtrak train is stuck behind it. There, of course, is no estimted time of arrival. Sit tight. What??? You want me to sit in this station for what could be an entire day in hopes of the train showing up??? I don't think so. But 1/2 hour later we find out that they have chartered buses to drive us to Chicago. Great... 9 hours on coach bus sitting next to some smelly old man...just what I wanted. But Isuppose I was pleasantly surprised. I cleverly found a way to sit next to a fairly attractive young man who I noticed had carried a guitar onto the bus (which made him even more attractive). We actually spent the whole trip talking and while there weren't any sparks, at least it made the trip go by more quickly. Should I have been concerned that he was reading anarchy literature???? Nah. Being the shy boy that he was he didn't ask for my number and I didn't want to freak him out by asking for his. But he told me a few clubs that he hangs out at, so maybe we'll run into each other some time.

So lesson learned...prepare for the worst when taking Amtrak, but you may be pleasantly surprised.