The Gopher Bar

Ok, so I've been getting shit from Ms. Prokott for not writing things in my blog. Unfortunately, she knows that I have many blog-worthy stories, but neither the time nor ambition to always write them So, here is a story from a few weeks ago....

On closing day of To Kill a Mockingbird, which was a joy to work on let me tell you, my stage manager took me out for a celebratory drink....and hot dog. "What?" you say. What kind of celebration is a hot dog? Well good sir, I say you have not had a hot dog til you have had a Coney dog from the Gopher Bar in St. Paul- "Best Coney's in Town" is their slogan. And I must admit, I've never had a better Coney...in fact I'd never had a Coney til that day.

Now before going to the Gopher Bar, I'd heard stories. I heard it was a delightfully white trash bar that didn't even serve Jack Daniels because "it's too expensive." One word: Classy. Well, I didn't let the rumors scare...I wanted to experience the Gopher Bar in all its white trash glory...and I did.

Kara and I went to the Gopher Bar at 12:30pm on a Wednesday afternoon. We actually had a hard time finding a seat. Apparently these Coneys are no secret. Upon going through the screen door with the sticker of Osama Bin Laden saying "Terrorists Wanted: Dead or Alive" I was greeted by a haze of smoke and smell of beer and grease. Ahhhhhh. Yes, this is where I'd be eating lunch. A waitress came and wiped the ashes off our table and asked what we'd like to drink. Too early for beer? No sir. We'll take two of your best Pabst Blue Ribbons...tap please. That's right...$1.00 PBRs on tap at the Gopher Bar...gotta love it. After bringing our beers, she carded us...yes. After she served us. Anyway...This was also when she put the wax paper place mats in front of us. Careful, that seraded edge can be dangerous! Well we ordered our Coney dogs (hot dog covered in ground beef) with cheese and onions and sat back to wait for the food. While admiring the decor of the Gopher Bar I saw signs above the bar. Signs written in magic marker on manila envelopes taped to the bar. These signs, which were hung crooked, said; "No fucking checks" and "No fucking credit cards". Well, gets the point across doesn't it. I was tempted to ask the waitress if they accepted traveler's checks, but though I might get my ass kicked.

And then it was time to eat. The Coney dogs were brought out in little paper containers (picture muffin tin papers for a hot dog) and placed on our wax paper place mats. At this point, the PBR was almost gone, but I chose not to order another. Surprisingly, the dogs were good. Best in town in fact. When we finished, we paid in cash and headed out the squeaky screen door. I must take Jean here...she'll love it. So, if you're hungry for a hot dog, head to the Gopher Bar, just make sure you have cash!