Let's Get Physical

Hold on to your hats everyone, I have some news that is sure to astound you all. I, Shannon O'Brien being of sound mind and body, went to a gym yesterday. That's right...a physical fitness center full of scary equipment that is sure to torture humans and people with tight bodies and fake breasts.

My friend Matt has been asking me for weeks to go with him and in a moment of weakness, I agreed. What was I thinking? Me? Working out at a gym, with a personal trainer no less. But I went...and survived.

Upon meeting the trainer, Jeff, I noticed that he was not only very fit and incredibly attractive, but he stands about 5'5". As I bent down to shake his hand, he asked, "What is your experience with resistance training?". It was all I had not to burst out laughing. Resistance training? Is that when you're at a bar and you RESIST the urge to drink another beer despite the fact you can't feel your teeth? (a feeling Jean is no doubt familiar with). So I looked at him and with all seriousness and said, "I don't workout." Jeff was not amused. He walked away from me. I hung my head in shame and followed him towards the perilous machinery.

Truth be told, it wasn't that bad. I made it through the hour long workout without passing out or vomiting, which is a plus in my book. Granted my legs are still a bit wobbly today from all the squats and calf raises, but all in all it was a decent experience. I might even go back. However, when Jeff asked if I was going to start a membership, I couldn't hold it in...I laughed. Again, Jeff was not amused. He walked away from me.

Of course the number of naked women in the locker room made me think twice about returning...I don't care how great your body is....walking around naked in front of total strangers must violate some societal rules. And for the love of god, when you're walking around naked, towel drying your hair, do not say "hi, how's it goin?" to the girl there in her sweats who is at the gym for the first time. It makes her uncomfortable. And please, PLEASE if you are going to towel dry your hair while naked, DO NOT bend over to do so. I beg you. I was not amused. I walked away.