this sucks

It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm getting ready for work. I have to be there at 5:30. I can't wait for the holiday retail season to be over.

Is it ok????

I've been meaning to write about this since Thanksgiving. Its a debate that Jean and I had at the MMC. Now perhaps we were only discussing this because we were delirious from the 12 pounds of turkey we had eaten, but somehow I think we'd have ended up debating this at some point regardless of the situation.
While at the MMC we saw a woman wearing the most delightful shirt. In fact I'm surprised that its not on Jean's Christmas list. It was a shirt that was covered in screen printed wolves. I believe that there may also have been glitter...it was hard to see. Naturally Jean and I instantly gave each other the "did you just see what I saw Oh My God!" look. But then we noticed that this woman had on a very large plastic back brace: clearly indicating some serious injury or disability. This poses the question: (I sound like I'm in an extemp round) "Is it OK to make fun of a terribly unfortunate shirt/clothing choice if the person wearing is clearly disabled?" I say yes and here are my reasons. We weren't saying "oh my god that lady is so ugly." We were saying "That shirt is so ugly." And it was...hideous...and not at all appropriate for the Thanksgiving holiday bar experience (anyone recall the Thanksgiving whore from last year?. We are making fun of the shirt. Not the woman or her disability.
I suppose it could go further. If, for example, I see a mentally challenged person wearing a screen printed sweatshirt (the kind with the fake polo shirt collar on top) can i make fun of that? Perhaps the mental disability makes her think that its a nice shirt! At that point am I inadvertently making fun of the shirt and the disability?

What do you think? Is it OK to make fun of a terribly ugly shirt of the person wearing it has some sort of disability? Inquiring minds must know!

Getting back into things...

Apparently I don't Blog anymore. I don't know why. It certainly isn't for lack of things to write about. I mean I haven't written in nearly two months! Of course that's nothing compared to Chad. I think it's laziness. I think "hey I should blog about that!" but then I sit on the couch with my book or my crochet project (yes I'm a crafty dork) and I forget all about blogging. I used to love doing this...writing for my amusement and therapy. I think I should start again.
Here are some things that have happened since I last wrote:
- I've worked a lot. A LOT. Spent a fair time bar tending including one concert by former Grateful Dead members. After the concert a man walked up to me holding a pair of knee-high Ty-dyed socks. He said, "So do you wanna buy some socks?....or drugs?" Hmmmm socks or drugs...tough choice. Actually I think I'm good.

-I acquired a stomach bacteria called Helicobacter pylori. My mom nicknamed it the helicopter...and that's sorta what it felt like...a helicopter eating my stomach lining. Thanks to Mr. H Pylori I now have ulcerations in my stomach. Lost 15 pounds though! Gained 10 back once I started eating again, but I figure I'm ahead 5 pounds right?

-I've decided to interview for the Macy's management program in the Spring. I kinda feel like a sell-out but I'm totally lacking direction right now and with a goal I feel much better.

-I've found a cheap flight to California for my February vacation

-I have nearly completed my Christmas shopping.

Well that's about it...I think I've exhausted my blogging stamina for today. Gotta pace yourself when you come back from a long break ya know?

Happy Columbus Day!

Its Columbus Day. A day we don't really celebrate anymore. I remember when I was a kid we used to get the day off from school. I don't think kids get it off anymore. In fact the only reason I'm writing about Columbus Day is because of something that happened at work.

Like many many retail stores, Macy's has a Columbus Day Sale. Why is that? "Celebrate the accidental discovery of the Western Hemisphere by purchasing crap you don't need! PS we had the same sale last week and will have it again next week only with a different name."

Anyway, it is what it is and many stores have a sale by this name. But yesterday a woman called our store to protest. She and a group of her angry friends were sitting at her home calling various stores to voice their frustration about Columbus Day sales. "Why would you have a sale that celebrates a murderer, rapist, and slave trader? I'm never shopping their again!" The manager calmly explained that the corporate sales staff set up the ad /sale campaigns and we just run them. We didn't come up with it, we're just putting up the signs. I'm sure this lady thought that the St. Paul Macy's had the brilliant idea to have a Columbus Day sale that no other Macy's was having. Cuz in St. Paul we like Italian men who borrow money from the Spanish and Portuguese and accidentally land NEAR America. We like to celebrate that.

After realizing that we wouldn't do anything about her complaint, I assume the woman went on to call Herbergers, Sears, JC Penny's and whomever else is having a Columbus Day Sale. I wish I had that lady's problems!

Retail Crazies

The crazies are out prowling the retail stores of downtown Saint Paul. I’m convinced that we’re close to a full moon and somehow that makes the crazies gravitate toward me at work. It’s like lunar tide pulls except with mentally unstable people….

3 days ago I was confronted with the oddest question I’ve ever been asked: “Do you hire people to sexually harass your customers?”

Let me start at the beginning:
A woman came up to the counter and asked to speak to a manager. I asked what it was in regards to so that I could contact the correct manager. She said that it was in regards to our sexual harassment policy. At this point I was concerned that perhaps something had happened to her.
“Ma’am have you been harassed in our store?”
“No. I just want to know what your policy is.”
“We have a strict no harassment policy here. What can I do for you?”
She launches into this story about some man who was calling her a “witch” and shouting anti-Semitic things at her in the Wells-Fargo Building. Supposedly, this man works for MNSCU who has an office in the Wells Fargo building.
“Ma’am I’m terribly sorry that that happened to you. I suggest that you talk to the security at Wells Fargo. If nothing happened in our store, our security can’t do anything.”
“But what if he follows me in here?”
“If you ever feel threatened in our store, find any employee and we’ll get our security involved.”

Here’s where it gets crazy:
“I have one more question. Do you have people here who sexually harass your customers?”
“What do you mean ma’am?”
“Well, do you hire people to sexually harass your customers?”
I’m dumbfounded
“No ma’am why would we do that?”
“I don’t know, why would you?”
Touché. I can’t answer that. Why would we? Then comes one last big question.
“Do you sexually harass people?”
WHAT?!?!?
“No ma’am I don’t.”
And I’m thinking if I did, she wouldn’t have been my first choice of targets.
I kindly asked the woman to leave at that point. WTF? Do we hire people to harass customers? Do I harass customers? It’s gotta be a full moon.

Shove It

Last week/weekend was a delightful time at Macy's. It was the last of the semi-annual Customer Satisfaction Survey's. As Marshall Fields, we had to have 1000 surveys filled out every spring and fall to gauge who people felt about our store. Our raises were mostly dependent on those scores and how many credit accounts we open. Macy's thought it'd be a great idea to do one last survey. A sort of last hurrah from the old Marshall Fields days in case we would all miss begging people to fill out a survey. Besides, people here aren't angry enough about Macy's taking over, lets give them the chance to formally bitch about it on a survey.

Being a full time Macy's Express person, I got to solicit these surveys twice last week. I loved every minute of it. Not often do you get the opportunity to get rejected by hundreds of strangers a day. Not every job allows you the wide range of responses such as glares, blatant ignorance of your existence, and people who start running away when they see you.

In all fairness I generally do not participate in surveys at stores. But I'm polite about it. Or, if it looks short I'll do it. Ours was 12 questions. Quick. On a 5x7 piece of paper. Short. Report card format. Easy. But I understand if you don't have 30 seconds to give your opinion about a store you either like (you're shopping there) or hate (you can't accept change). If you don't have time be nice about it!!!!! The people soliciting these surveys DO NOT get paid enough to deal with your rude behavior. In case you don't follow my meaning, here are some examples that I was subjected to that you should not follow:

- do not say "I'm in a hurry" then run past the person only to spend the next half hour shopping in their visual field...at least go to a different floor if you're gonna lie

-do not say "am I gonna get something if I do it? no? then forget it!"

- do not say "I did it yesterday" if we were not doing it yesterday

-do not say "no I won't take your survey! I hate Macy's! I hated Marshall Fields too! I want Dayton's back!" (btw lady, its been 7 years since Daytons was gone. and why are you still shopping here if you hate it?)

- do not put your hand in my face and curtly say "no" before I even ask you a question

-above all else DO NOT walk up to me and say "I'm disgusted! You can shove it!" and walk away. (found out he was "disgusted" with us because his bank declined his check for insufficient funds. Yes...your financial irresponsibility are my fault sir"

There you have it...do not do these things to the poor people soliciting surveys. They don't wanna do it anymore than you do...TRUST ME!

Kick Ass Vacation!

The first big thing we did was visit Seaworld. As soon as we walked through the gates, Henry put on his Japanese tourist costume (the camera) and started clicking. By the end of the trip between Henry, his friend Jimmy, and myself we had over 600 pictures. I was able to narrow it down to my 140 favorites to print. Don't worry...blogger would never support that many, so here are some of my favs.

I fed and pet a ton of dolphins. It was so much fun!



The Beluga whale kept swimming to the glass and pressing his head against it.

The Shamu show was awesome! I realized i wanted to stage manage it cuz there were so many cool light and sounds cues...especially the night show: "Shamu's house of Douse". And guys can you imagine have a killer whale's mouth in your crotch?

Dance dolphins dance!

This is one of my favorites. Seaworld was a very good day!!!


After Seaworld we went to this kinda sketchy Mexican place. I like that the sign says "Healthy Mexican & Seafood" There was nothing healthy there and who would get seafood from a place where you had to put a token in the bathroom door to use it???

Are you actually gonna eat that? Honestly though, the food was pretty good. Potato Tacos. For the Irish Mexican in all of us!

Time for the happiest place on earth!

Capt. Jack Sparrow made me happy!

Henry was unsuccessful at pulling the sword from the stone.

I like that rather than purchase the picture of us on Space Mtn., Henry just took a picture of the picture. Those 2 in front wet themselves from the looks of it!

My princess castle

Us and the goof and me and Mickey...both in their fancy 50th anniversary costumes!

I finally got my ears! I was adorable! And so is this pic...another great day!

Watching the sunset at Seal Beach

We went to the tide pools at Corona Del Mar again. I saw a sea slug and called him my squishy cuz that's how he felt....squishy.

After petting squishies we climbed rocks.

It was a great vacation and it was really hard to come home...especially hard to come home to cooler weather and work. I love visiting California and seeing Henry. Being with someone...ya know? But all good things must come to an end so that we can begin looking forward to another visit! I can't wait!!!

Home Again

I back from sunny california just in time for the 55 degree weather! Its odd that yesterday i was at the beach in shorts and a tank and today i'm wearing a builky sweater. I've been doing laundry and editing pictures all day since i luckily was not scheduled at work. (its always nice to have an extra day off after vacation to recoop). I'm sure I'll post a full blog tomorrow or wednesday, but the long and short of it is that I had a great time! I fed a dolphin, met Mickey Mouse, and spent time with the "boyfriend" (for lack of a better term).

Spending the week with him was the best part...and here's a little preview...when we got to his house he covered my eyes and brought me into the room where he had set this up:
All of these little lanterns and tealights. A great beginning to the week! More later!

The Suspense is over

Here she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry it took so long...she was just too much for blogger to handle. This lady needed a photo bucket to upload her beauty!

Let me introduce you to Suspenders. Suspenders has a penchant for daisy duke shorts. And with a body like that, who can blame her? If you've got flaunt it....flaunt it all! Flaunt so much of it that you need denim suspenders to hold it all up! And yes boys..."they" are real. Don't believe me? Read her shirt. That's proof enough. I've often found that by wearing a shirt that says, "Yes they're real" you get a more positive response from classy men with mullets. Speaking of mullets, Suspenders loves em! She spent the whole night dancing with a (female?) mullet sporting tight, knee-length, cut off shorts and moccasins. Hott!!! While Suspenders is attracted to mullet, she herself prefers the giant blonde curly phony-pony. I guess the shirt wasn't referring to her golden locks. And to keep extra phony-ponies and spare suspenders, Suspenders carries a leather backpack with at all times to avoid and fashion crises. Its nice to be prepared.

So thank you Suspenders for a delightful evening. Not since Leopard Queen have I had so much fun!

for the record....

I have tried twice (yesterday and today) to write the post about the previously mentioned MMC dancer. But BLOGGER won't let me post a picture...jerk ass. And Jean can agree that it just wouldn't be worth it without a picture. I will give you a hint...her name is suspenders. I'll try again soon. Stupid blogger.