Cold Germs Can Kiss My Ass

I know that Jean says she never gets sick, but I'm pretty much the opposite. I get minor colds all the time. My friend Matt and I always know that we're both gonna get the "knock your ass out" cold in the the middle of December. It's a tradition we've had since high school. This year, mine happened one week before the holidays and I even went home early from work one night...something I don't think I've ever done before. But with rest and Zicam it went away quicker than normal (my colds usually last almost 2 weeks).

Well, yesterday I woke up with a sore throat. I knew it was coming back for more. The cold virus is back for revenge since I sent it packing so quickly last month. Well screw you cold! Screw the sore throat, coughing, stuffiness, and slight fever. The Zicam and DayQuil will take care of you again...I hope. But damn I don't wanna go to work tonight!

David want to follow me around with Lysol?

Mr. Green Jeans

Mr. Green Jeans is back...and I'm not talking about Captain Kangaroo's sidekick.

Not too many people will understand why I'm writing about Mr. Green Jeans. Let me give you a brief history: Mr. Green Jeans is the nickname of a man who used to (presumebaly still does) attend theatre performances at Winona State. He would always get his ticket early. He always wore green pants and a reddish orange jacket. He also has a toupee...i think...at least I hope its a toupee. At the end of the show while everyone is in the lobby, he would great the actors. If he really like your performance, he would give you some foreign currency. Somewhere I have a bill from Jamaica when he came to see Naked. Ryan do you have yours still? JMo doesn't really remember him.

Well last year I saw this man in the lobby at the history theatre...I couldn't believe it!!! Mr. Green Jeans is following me! I called JMo and told him....he couldn't really remember seeing Mr. Green Jeans at WSU shows recently. But, nonetheless Mr. Green Jeans makes the trip to Saint Paul. Over headset last night, my stage manager told me he was in the audience again...I think he's seen every show since I've been there. The people at the History Theatre call him Weird Pants Guy. He always sits in the front row, same seat. Gets there very early and examines the program, and he leaves quickly too. The box office ladies told me he always pays cash and won't give his name or his address.

So...who is Mr. Green Jeans? Where is he from? What other theatres does he go to? What does he do for work? And were did he get his amazingly green pants? Mr. Green Jeans, you are an enigma.

We either need to leave or get drunk...

That's what Matt said after about 15 minutes at the MMC last night. During the course of the evening we learned about strangers favorite positions, reaffirmed that slit means slut (and the clap/crabs), and that RAGGSberry Kamis can taste like vile cough syrup if not properly mixed.

The plan was to go for a few drinks and leave anyway, but after we walked in...We knew it would turn into more than that! The first person I see sitting on the rail (next to the only available seats) is none other than Slutzilla. That's right...She's baaaack! Let me just tell you how I excited I was to see here again. Sensei Matt, you missed it...Wish you could have met her. Now, Slutzilla on her own would have been enough, but she had a friend with her. A friend who was VERY loud, who thought she was flirting with the nasty men, and who walked like a stripper...Not that I have anything against strippers. Her friend's name is Mufasa. Ooooh say it again....Mufasa! This is because she had a lion mane on her head. A yellow highlight/black lowlight chunky streaked lion mane right on the top of her head that she kept fluffing both on and off the dance floor. Mufasa! She was pretty much going down on this older man on the dance floor. I vomited a little bit in my mouth. Sadly, it wasn't the first time that night that I was tempted to do so.

Another regular (lets just say he's danced with Rae a lot) was standing behind me at one point and I hear him yell; "Oh yeah....Reverse cowboy! I love that!" ummm gross. We don't need to talk about our favorite positions across the bar. Besides, I'm pretty sure you meant reverse cowGIRL unless there's something we don't know about you. I think we finally have a nickname for you sir!

Jean, some boring details for you: Elvis still sits prominently displayed on the monitors as he should be. However, I wish that we could have toasted Wilson Pickett during Mustang Sally, but perhaps Tony didn't know he died yesterday. Speaking of Tony, he learned that his antioxidents are low....What??? Do people under 50 need to worry about that? I guess so. More fruit (raspberry kamis) and vegetables (tobacco is a plant!) for Tony!

An Open Letter to the Sandman

Dear Mr. Sandman,

I'm writing in regards to the lack of good sleep I've been getting lately. I'm not sure if you're working solo still or if you've expanded your operations to include individual departments. If that is the case, please pass this on to your Dream Subsidiary.

Now Mr. Sandman, I appreciate that we all have a job to do, but if you or dream affiliate could please move on from the upstairs bedroom of 1274 I would be ever so thankful. If you are contractually obligated to remain in the attic bedroom, then I have a few requests; I could do without the dreams depicting me killing (in some form or another) my family members...particularly my mother. I'm pretty sure she's done nothing to upset you recently. I would also sleep more soundly if you'd stop trying to ruin my upcoming vacation to California. On more than one occasion you've stopped the plane from taking off. And this last time...pretending to have Henry call the pilot and tell him to cancel the flight...well that was just mean.

I know it may seem like I'm just negatively criticizing your work, so let me follow up with a compliment. I do appreciate some of the dreams I've had lately...I will say that your choice of men in my dreams have been a bit odd, but they've been nice nonetheless. Thanks for making sure one particular (non pocket T shirt wearing) gentleman saved me from violent thieves and tucked me into bed, and for letting me meet someone I vaguely know at that concert and taking me home. I hope you don't mind me making one more little suggestion: when you're leaving, the 4th stair down squeaks. If you could avoid so as to not wake me up before the good part of these dreams, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Again Mr. Sandman, I understand that you're just doing your job. However, in order to do my job, I need some more sleep. Preferably sleep that isn't fraught with disturbing dreams...those other dreams though? You can keep them coming. Take care, and sweet dreams.

Sincerely,
Shannon

movie madness

Sure I'm excited about The Da Vinci Code (after devouring the books how could i not be?), The Pink Panther (Steve Martin will be hilarious!), The Libertine (Johnny Depp playing a nasty 18th century playwright...i love it!) but what I'm most excited about is this:

Lance you know what I'm talking about! After the dreams i had after the first one....whew! Its gonna be a long wait! May 26!?! Marvel you're killing me!

holiday picture post

I'm a little behind the times. So here's the holiday extravaganza post. Apparently I didn't use my camera too much cuz I don't have nearly as many pics as other people have. In fact I don't have any from when David was here or from the TSB night with Chad's birthday woman. But anyway, the holidays were good. Low key Christmas upbeat and fun New Years with some good and bad moments in between...pretty standard in many ways I suppose. The nice things was that I hung with with old friends and new friends. Glad to say that the new years spent with Chad, Chris, and Matt was probably one of the best new years I've ever had...thanks new friends! But before I get to all that....

I also spent a day with Ryan doing "St. Pauly things": Mickeys, ice skating, Candy Land...

Ryan cried at Mickey's because they ate there in the Mighty Ducks... a movie that always makes him tear up.

Then we went skating...we didn't fall down once!

But I learned a trick!

So did Ryan.

No one likes a showoff!

NEW YEARS EVE

Jean and I were showing our sexy stockings and this creepy pregnant man loved it!

Then there was this creepy moment...just kidding Chris! It was hot!

Rachel was Bob Fosse & Matt was goldilocks...or Shylock

The painful and awkward morning after....hello 2006!

Disturbing Behavior

So I don't know how it came up, but Jean, Mateo, and I were discussing mother birds and how they feed their babies. I think it's kinda gross. "Here honey. I know you can't chew this so I'm gonna chew it for you and spit it into your mouth. Don't I take such good care of you?" Bird moms are weird. Eeew.

I've Outdone Myself Again!

Well folks, the Chirstmas baking season has begun. For those of you who don't know, this time of year I go into cookie baking mode. On my few days off this season I become a one woman cookie factory. Today, for example, I made approxiamately 140 cookies. They are all delicious...they were even more delicious as dough before I baked 'em. What??? I had to make sure they tasted ok, right?

I made my usual (and slightly famous) peanut butter cookies. Some of them had Reeses Bells on them....it didn't work out so pretty...the bells kinda melted funny. But damn they're tasty! I also made oatmeal raisin cookies for my mom cuz they're her favorite. A man once told me he'd marry a girl if she could make the perfect oatmeal raisin cookie. Well, I'm not that girl...they're ok, but not spectacular. But the crowning achievement of the day were the white chocolate chip cranberry cookies. They are to die for for. They take the cake....or cookie. Fuckin delicious! I've outdone myself again! And I predict that Jean eats 27 of them between Wednesday and Thursday while she's here.

Pictured from Left: white chocolate chip cranberry, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin.

Tomorrow I'll be making malted chocolate chip cookies...then I think I'll be calling it quits...unless I make more of the cranberry ones....God they're good!

PS- I realized something today. I was standing in the kitchen, mixing dough while a load of laundry was in the dryer and another load was waiting to be folded...and I was crocheting a scarf while waiting for the cookie timer to go off. How domestic am I today? The clincher???? I was barefoot...barefoot doing laundry, crocheting, and baking....if only I were pregnant in a trailor!

Reasons Why I Was a Great Older Sister

Well, Jean's comment on my list suggested that I write about a few more things. When I was a kid my little brother and I were sorta close. There weren't too many kids in our neighborhood early on, so sometimes I made up little games. One game was "what can I get Patrick to believe?" Here's some things I convinced him were true:

-That we won him at the state fair. More specifically at the balloon popping/dart game. Naturally we traded up for him. You don't win such a large prize right away. You have to go through the giant come, ugly teddy bear with crooked eyes, and life size Scooby-Doo first. Then you get yourself a baby brother. He was convinced and he cried.

-I told him that when he scratched his head he was actually touching his brain. Not sure how I came up with that one but it worked like a charm. I had him convinced that there was no skull at the top of your head...just scalp. So when he was touching the top of his head he was actually poking his brain.

-once he asked me what his pancreas was and where it was. I told him it was in his knee (i think that's what I said). He stared at his knee for quite some time that day.

-i told him that cottage cheese felt like you were chewing fish eyes (really that's how i feel). He still can't eat cottage cheese to this day.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure I scarred him in other ways too, just can't remember...after all it was just a game! God being a big sister was great!

Can I actually come up with 15 things?

1. I always try to wear matching bra and panties. (1a: I hate the word panties). I'm not sure why I want to match them since no one sees me in my underwear on a regualr basis. But sometimes I think, for example, that if I end up in the emergency room or something, people might notice.

2. I hate myself for not being able to drive. When I'm in a car I look around at all people driving and hate them for their lack of fear.

3. When I was born I had a birth mark, but it faded when I was a kid and is no longer visible. It was a purpleish star shape on my butt.

4. I have a small mole on my left arm shaped like West Virginia.

5. I dance backstage to the music of every show I've worked on...one good thing about Christmas of Swing...good music for dancin'.

6. One of my favorite movie is Gone With the Wind

7. I envy thin women, but I don't want to be as thin as them. I'm jealous of their metabolism, but I like being a curvy woman.

8. I never read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in high school when I was supposed to. When my favorite teacher told me he was disappointed that I hadn't read it...I cried.

9. I like turbulance when I'm flying...especially that quick movement that feels funny in your lower abdomen. Ryan do you remember..."That was a good one!" whenever we'd fly?

10. I could spend jail time in Texas or Alabama for some things I own.

11. I used to love writing poetry but stopped because I thought they weren't any good and because someone once agreed with me when I said that.

12. I don't want a diamond engagement ring

13. When I was a kid and we used to go camping I refused to use the outhouses near our campsites. I would walk (even in he middle of the night) all the way to the flush toilets in the campground. I was scared a daddy long legs was going to crawl on my or that something would bite my butt.

14. My favorite word is salsa. It's like a party in your mouth!

15. In college I was really proud to be one of the only girls who really worked. It was always me and the guys hanging all the lights and climbing ladders and using tools. I loved working strike and being one of the few women who could use power tools and carry the heavy things. Girl techies are awesome!