The New Kid aka Weird Kid

There’s a new kid at work….in the men’s department at Marshall Fields. As Jean once pointed out, “no one likes the new kid”. And boy is that ever true. One of my co-workers calls him “Our boy Jake!” And that’s just what he is…our boy Jake.

I was Jake’s first trainer, and I didn’t particularly enjoy those 5 hours of my life. But I thought perhaps it was because I wasn’t feeling well. It was one day early February and I had a horrible cold. I wanted to go home early, but instead, my manager comes up to me and says, “This is Jake. It’s his first day. You’ll be training him.” I took one look at Jake in his pleated khakis, wrinkled short-sleeved button-down shirt, and tie with fish on it (I was later informed that he purchased it at Savers and that it was Italian silk) and I thought, “Great!” During the day I found out that his lifelong dream (keep in mind he’s only 22) is to make Pet Cemetary 3. “Cuz they’re the best movies ever made right?” Sure Jake…sure. Jake also wondered if Marshall Field’s would be open to a few suggestions on how they should display things and remodel the store. Sure Jake. You’ve worked here for about 3 ½ hours now, I’m sure corporate will really appreciate your observations and suggestions. Jake also “wasn’t comfortable” opening the registers in the morning. He didn’t want that kind of pressure…never mind that opening and closing registers is a basic function of working at a retail store. Jake has never worked retail before.

Well since then everyone has gotten the impression that Jake is a bit odd. That’s an understatement. I love Goodwill shopping as much as the next guy, but I don’t run around saying that I buy everything there. Nor do I lurk about staring at people from behind the racks. I also don’t have 30,000 suggestion on how to make the retail world better even though I’ve worked retail for at least 6-7 years of my life. But tonight….tonight was the clincher.

I was closing with weird kid….my chosen name for him…and I just had a bad feeling. I went up to the guys in the Home department to whine. They asked, “how bad can he be?” Well a few minutes later, I found out how bad. I folding some Polo Khakis and weird kid comes up to me and says,
     “Ya know, you can always tell the people who have been shot.”
     “What???”
     “You can always tell the ones who have been shot.”
     “You mean like…with a gun?
     “Yeah. Something happens to them when they bleed. It changes them.”
     “Ummm….ok.”
That’s how bad he can be!!!!! He’s talking about people getting shot! That’s creepy. That’s weird! That’s why he’s weird kid. I went back and told the guys in Home. They were weirded out too. I think weird kid has gone a bit too far. But, then again, maybe he’s just living up to his name.