Whaaat???

While I'm working with a customer today, I hear over my headset, "I'm heading up to 4th floor to look for the racoon". Since I'm with a customer, I don't react, thinking i must have misheard. Then a few minutes later, "Ok, I'm up on 4, where did the customer see the racoon."

I'm thinking to myself. This is Macy's. We don't carry racoons here. There can't possibly be a racoon in the store.

I was wrong.

Apparently racoons like Macy's sales too. And he thought he'd wander in from the parking ramp to check out the deals. Luckily he never got into the customer parts of the store. Mainly he was just in the entrance from our parking ramp roof, but that also means he missed out on the amazing linen sale!

So to recap, there was a racoon in my store today. I didn't get to see him, but John did, animal control was called, and the racoon did not buy any of the clearance Ralph Lauren sheets. Though at 60% off I'm sure he would have enjoyed them.

The Many Worlds of Macy's

Department stores have stupid names for things.

Food Avenue? Target, come on it is not an avenue. It is a dirty place to buy a roller dog and a slushie.

Panty world? Yes, that's right Panty World. Tuesday morning I went into work at 7am to rearrange "Panty World". Panty World is this magical place where you can find anything from tiny strings to giant parachutes to put on your bottom. By the way, at Macy's we don't actually refer to these things as underwear or even panties. They are simply "pants" as if panties is too risque. But how do we then distinguish these"pants" from real pants? And then why in the world do we call the department Panty World??? This just confuses me. So yes, I spent my morning in this world of panties. I sized the little tiny lacy thongs, I folded the comfortable cotton boy shorts, and I hung the giant nylon granny panties. The granny panties that were a least a foot tall (I'm not exaggerating here. I held them up to myself and they literally would have come up to my boobs). The granny panties that ranged from S-XXL and the small would have fit me. I should never be able to wear a small in anything....especially not something that's supposed to cover my ass. Panty World is now well organized. It looks good. The mannequin butts on the wall "create interest". Because we freed up some space in the department, we have room for "guest seating". That's right, you can now sit in comfortable chairs in the middle of Panty World. I don't want to know what kind of person sits in that department surrounded by panties. At that my friends is Macy's Panty World.

We have another world at Macy's. Women's World. I am now managing petites and plus sizes. But we don't call it plus sizes, or even just the womens department. We call it Women's World because if you are a size 14+ you need a separate world to shop in. So as I rearranged women's world yesterday, I pondered this. Why is it a world? The misses department isn't a world. And speaking of misses, why is it misses and women's. Just because I'm a size 16 does that mean I'm not a misses. Or if you are only a size 6 are you not a woman? Why not stick to plus? I'm plus size...I know that. I know that there is more of me than there is of other people. Therefore, I am plus. But then again, if you are petite, does that make you negative? or minus? Why aren't the departments negative, regular, and plus? or petite, average, and big? These are the things I think about while I'm arranging racks and dressing mannequins at 7am. I also pondered why our "plus size" mannequins are a size 14 but the don't actually have any lumps or bulges. They are simply larger version of the size 4 mannequins. If we're gonna be accurate in showing what things look like, shouldn't they have fat rolls or something. Then I could say, "yes that will cover it up!" or "no...that wrap dress simply hugs every bulge i have". That would help.

I could also talk about how we call the department for our dishes and glassware The Cellar and yet I would never keep my dinnerware in a cellar, but I need to head to work!

You Heard It Here First

I got the job! That's right folks, I am furthering my retail career by becoming a Customer Service Team Lead. I wonder if my "office" will still be the closet under the escalator.
But seriously...this is great. It comes with a substantial pay raise (50% increase of what I was making before) so I feel like I will finally be being paid for all the work I've been doing. It's also a great step towards being accepted into the executive training program in June. So yay for a job!!! It will be uncomfortable around there for a few days since I was chosen over some people that have been with the company for a long time, but they simply weren't the best candidate for the job. Luckily I leave for Cali in 3 days and people can settle into the news while I'm gone...and when I get back I start making the big bucks*!



*big bucks is a relative term. Since $12.00 is the most I've ever made (other than bartending) this is the big bucks.

this sucks

It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm getting ready for work. I have to be there at 5:30. I can't wait for the holiday retail season to be over.

Retail Crazies

The crazies are out prowling the retail stores of downtown Saint Paul. I’m convinced that we’re close to a full moon and somehow that makes the crazies gravitate toward me at work. It’s like lunar tide pulls except with mentally unstable people….

3 days ago I was confronted with the oddest question I’ve ever been asked: “Do you hire people to sexually harass your customers?”

Let me start at the beginning:
A woman came up to the counter and asked to speak to a manager. I asked what it was in regards to so that I could contact the correct manager. She said that it was in regards to our sexual harassment policy. At this point I was concerned that perhaps something had happened to her.
“Ma’am have you been harassed in our store?”
“No. I just want to know what your policy is.”
“We have a strict no harassment policy here. What can I do for you?”
She launches into this story about some man who was calling her a “witch” and shouting anti-Semitic things at her in the Wells-Fargo Building. Supposedly, this man works for MNSCU who has an office in the Wells Fargo building.
“Ma’am I’m terribly sorry that that happened to you. I suggest that you talk to the security at Wells Fargo. If nothing happened in our store, our security can’t do anything.”
“But what if he follows me in here?”
“If you ever feel threatened in our store, find any employee and we’ll get our security involved.”

Here’s where it gets crazy:
“I have one more question. Do you have people here who sexually harass your customers?”
“What do you mean ma’am?”
“Well, do you hire people to sexually harass your customers?”
I’m dumbfounded
“No ma’am why would we do that?”
“I don’t know, why would you?”
Touché. I can’t answer that. Why would we? Then comes one last big question.
“Do you sexually harass people?”
WHAT?!?!?
“No ma’am I don’t.”
And I’m thinking if I did, she wouldn’t have been my first choice of targets.
I kindly asked the woman to leave at that point. WTF? Do we hire people to harass customers? Do I harass customers? It’s gotta be a full moon.

Shove It

Last week/weekend was a delightful time at Macy's. It was the last of the semi-annual Customer Satisfaction Survey's. As Marshall Fields, we had to have 1000 surveys filled out every spring and fall to gauge who people felt about our store. Our raises were mostly dependent on those scores and how many credit accounts we open. Macy's thought it'd be a great idea to do one last survey. A sort of last hurrah from the old Marshall Fields days in case we would all miss begging people to fill out a survey. Besides, people here aren't angry enough about Macy's taking over, lets give them the chance to formally bitch about it on a survey.

Being a full time Macy's Express person, I got to solicit these surveys twice last week. I loved every minute of it. Not often do you get the opportunity to get rejected by hundreds of strangers a day. Not every job allows you the wide range of responses such as glares, blatant ignorance of your existence, and people who start running away when they see you.

In all fairness I generally do not participate in surveys at stores. But I'm polite about it. Or, if it looks short I'll do it. Ours was 12 questions. Quick. On a 5x7 piece of paper. Short. Report card format. Easy. But I understand if you don't have 30 seconds to give your opinion about a store you either like (you're shopping there) or hate (you can't accept change). If you don't have time be nice about it!!!!! The people soliciting these surveys DO NOT get paid enough to deal with your rude behavior. In case you don't follow my meaning, here are some examples that I was subjected to that you should not follow:

- do not say "I'm in a hurry" then run past the person only to spend the next half hour shopping in their visual field...at least go to a different floor if you're gonna lie

-do not say "am I gonna get something if I do it? no? then forget it!"

- do not say "I did it yesterday" if we were not doing it yesterday

-do not say "no I won't take your survey! I hate Macy's! I hated Marshall Fields too! I want Dayton's back!" (btw lady, its been 7 years since Daytons was gone. and why are you still shopping here if you hate it?)

- do not put your hand in my face and curtly say "no" before I even ask you a question

-above all else DO NOT walk up to me and say "I'm disgusted! You can shove it!" and walk away. (found out he was "disgusted" with us because his bank declined his check for insufficient funds. Yes...your financial irresponsibility are my fault sir"

There you have it...do not do these things to the poor people soliciting surveys. They don't wanna do it anymore than you do...TRUST ME!