Friday, December 23, 2005

Disturbing Behavior

So I don't know how it came up, but Jean, Mateo, and I were discussing mother birds and how they feed their babies. I think it's kinda gross. "Here honey. I know you can't chew this so I'm gonna chew it for you and spit it into your mouth. Don't I take such good care of you?" Bird moms are weird. Eeew.

Monday, December 19, 2005

I've Outdone Myself Again!

Well folks, the Chirstmas baking season has begun. For those of you who don't know, this time of year I go into cookie baking mode. On my few days off this season I become a one woman cookie factory. Today, for example, I made approxiamately 140 cookies. They are all delicious...they were even more delicious as dough before I baked 'em. What??? I had to make sure they tasted ok, right?

I made my usual (and slightly famous) peanut butter cookies. Some of them had Reeses Bells on them....it didn't work out so pretty...the bells kinda melted funny. But damn they're tasty! I also made oatmeal raisin cookies for my mom cuz they're her favorite. A man once told me he'd marry a girl if she could make the perfect oatmeal raisin cookie. Well, I'm not that girl...they're ok, but not spectacular. But the crowning achievement of the day were the white chocolate chip cranberry cookies. They are to die for for. They take the cake....or cookie. Fuckin delicious! I've outdone myself again! And I predict that Jean eats 27 of them between Wednesday and Thursday while she's here.

Pictured from Left: white chocolate chip cranberry, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin.

Tomorrow I'll be making malted chocolate chip cookies...then I think I'll be calling it quits...unless I make more of the cranberry ones....God they're good!

PS- I realized something today. I was standing in the kitchen, mixing dough while a load of laundry was in the dryer and another load was waiting to be folded...and I was crocheting a scarf while waiting for the cookie timer to go off. How domestic am I today? The clincher???? I was barefoot...barefoot doing laundry, crocheting, and baking....if only I were pregnant in a trailor!

Reasons Why I Was a Great Older Sister

Well, Jean's comment on my list suggested that I write about a few more things. When I was a kid my little brother and I were sorta close. There weren't too many kids in our neighborhood early on, so sometimes I made up little games. One game was "what can I get Patrick to believe?" Here's some things I convinced him were true:

-That we won him at the state fair. More specifically at the balloon popping/dart game. Naturally we traded up for him. You don't win such a large prize right away. You have to go through the giant come, ugly teddy bear with crooked eyes, and life size Scooby-Doo first. Then you get yourself a baby brother. He was convinced and he cried.

-I told him that when he scratched his head he was actually touching his brain. Not sure how I came up with that one but it worked like a charm. I had him convinced that there was no skull at the top of your head...just scalp. So when he was touching the top of his head he was actually poking his brain.

-once he asked me what his pancreas was and where it was. I told him it was in his knee (i think that's what I said). He stared at his knee for quite some time that day.

-i told him that cottage cheese felt like you were chewing fish eyes (really that's how i feel). He still can't eat cottage cheese to this day.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure I scarred him in other ways too, just can't remember...after all it was just a game! God being a big sister was great!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Can I actually come up with 15 things?

1. I always try to wear matching bra and panties. (1a: I hate the word panties). I'm not sure why I want to match them since no one sees me in my underwear on a regualr basis. But sometimes I think, for example, that if I end up in the emergency room or something, people might notice.

2. I hate myself for not being able to drive. When I'm in a car I look around at all people driving and hate them for their lack of fear.

3. When I was born I had a birth mark, but it faded when I was a kid and is no longer visible. It was a purpleish star shape on my butt.

4. I have a small mole on my left arm shaped like West Virginia.

5. I dance backstage to the music of every show I've worked on...one good thing about Christmas of Swing...good music for dancin'.

6. One of my favorite movie is Gone With the Wind

7. I envy thin women, but I don't want to be as thin as them. I'm jealous of their metabolism, but I like being a curvy woman.

8. I never read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in high school when I was supposed to. When my favorite teacher told me he was disappointed that I hadn't read it...I cried.

9. I like turbulance when I'm flying...especially that quick movement that feels funny in your lower abdomen. Ryan do you remember..."That was a good one!" whenever we'd fly?

10. I could spend jail time in Texas or Alabama for some things I own.

11. I used to love writing poetry but stopped because I thought they weren't any good and because someone once agreed with me when I said that.

12. I don't want a diamond engagement ring

13. When I was a kid and we used to go camping I refused to use the outhouses near our campsites. I would walk (even in he middle of the night) all the way to the flush toilets in the campground. I was scared a daddy long legs was going to crawl on my or that something would bite my butt.

14. My favorite word is salsa. It's like a party in your mouth!

15. In college I was really proud to be one of the only girls who really worked. It was always me and the guys hanging all the lights and climbing ladders and using tools. I loved working strike and being one of the few women who could use power tools and carry the heavy things. Girl techies are awesome!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

All I Want for Christmas

It just won't be Christmas without these special things under the tree...

A nice wicker sofa for relaxing winter days.


This lovely flamingo Christmas sweater.


I've always wanted a cute puppy to play with


Now, if I had this I wouldn't have to
work out nearly as often.


How handy is this?!?!? A blender and a phone???
All in one?? I can make smoothies and talk one the
phone at the same time!!!! How perfect!


That's what I want people! 12 shopping days left!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Feelin Good

I've had my fitness DVDs for 5 days now. I've worked out 3 times and am feeling pretty good about it. This may not sound like much to those of you who work out often, but this is good for me. I've stuck to the schedule I've laid out for myself and while it hasn't even been a week yet, I've done well. I've been eating well without denying myself anything. I know that if I "diet" I won't stick to it. So, if I want ice cream, I have it...but only one small scoop instead of the Lalapalooza size portion I may desire. But cereal & fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch, a healthy dinner and I'm feeling pretty good. It's gonna get harder with my fucked up work schedule, but I'll do my best to be healthy when I have to eat out too.
Kickboxing is hard...a little fast for me still, but I'll get it. The aerobics "female Fat Zones" is awesome...nice mix or arms, abs, and legs using weights and the ball. My abs hurt and I love it!!!

Smokey Jr. meets Smokey D

So, Jean, just to update you on the goings on at the MMC last week:
Smokey Jr. (Dan from Fuji Ya) joined us. I have a feeling he'll be back. The wine drinkers eat at Fuji Ya often and told Dan he had a twin, so Matt and I got him to meet us at the MMC after work. He and Smokey met and think they look nothing alike. Sorry guys...we're not trying to pigeon hole you or anything, but you do look pretty similar! But anyway, Matt, Rae, Dan, and the wine drinkers spent the night drinking and dancing. A lot of drinking and dancing. The wine drinkers bought us shots and dragged on the dance floor. Mr. Wine Drinker was spinning me around like crazy...it was fun...until he tried to make me dance with George. Now George (with his cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve a la The Outsiders) is a great dancer. Very talented, but a little creepy. After Rae danced with him a few times he started asking her out and stuff...and he was more than a little grabby with the other dancers last week. I thought it best for me not to dance with him given I can't dance and don't want to be groped by George.
But Jean, it was a good night. The band was great, the cigarettes (I'm ashamed) were a welcomed addition, and there were encores aplenty. Tony once again reminded me that he erads the blogs and as he gave me the "rock star hug" (the hug given to groupies) he told me to "keep rockin' baby". I will Tony, I will.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Blogging potpourri

So I haven't written in a while...things have been a bit busy and I haven't really had the desire to write, though there have been plenty of things to write about. So, here's a quick review of blog worthy events, thoughts, and ramblings...

Thanksgiving:
It was one of the best I can remember having. Mom, brother, Jean and I spent a day of cooking, eating, a gaming. Jean and I totally kicked ass (not really, but we still won) at Cranium. If you're ever playing charades, pray to God that Jean isn't on your team. Even she blames herself for our initial suckiness. The food was great. I once reclaimed my title of Best Mashed Potatoes, and Jean will confirm that "I've outdone myself again". They were fucking delicious. Dinner was followed up by naps, pie, and a night of Tony Sims. Jean has pictures of the Thanksgiving Whore that we met at the MMC that night. She also has pictures of the man who danced with the mentally challenged woman. These drunk people had this poor woman out on the dance floor whipping her about...I hope she was having fun cuz she mostly looked confused. After dancing off and 1/8 of what we ate, it was time to head home and put Thanksgiving to bed.

Working retail the weekend after Thanksgiving:
Black Friday wasn't too bad for me. I lucked out and only had to work for 3 1/2 hours at Marshall Fields. It was pretty busy, but nothing horrific. Sunday night however, was a night from hell. Our thanksgiving sale (including doorbusters) extended thru Sunday. But the company didn't take that into consideration when scheduling. There were 2 of us...its a big department (bed & bath, china, housewares). The woman I worked with spent more time shopping than working. The customers were bitches and there were coupons involved. Coupons are never good. They make people CRAZY! I spent the whole night explaining that we were out of some things that were on such a great sale (Gee...you wait until the last hour of the busiest shopping weekend of the year and expect everything to be in stock?!?!). I had to tell 3 people over the phone that I couldn't take coupons over the phone...especially not for the $300 luggage purchase over the phone. If you can't manage to make it here over the course of the last 3 days, you don't deserve the sale...you're not a good shopper. And no I will not hold these items until Wednesday because you're in Texas for Thanksgiving. Ma'am you're actually calling me from Texas on your cell phone while you're supposed to be with your family! No! So yeah...I love retail! And I'm going to continue to love it for the next 4 weeks!

Being Fat:
Well, long story short, I'm done being fat. At least that's what I'm thinking now. I've sadly already begun the holiday weight gain trend and I'm going to try to nip it in the bud early...perhaps even work off last years holiday pounds. That's why (as of Friday's mail delivery) I will be the proud owner of a cardio kick boxing DVD (sure to knock my ass out) and a "Female Fat Zones" Aerobics tape designed to "help with those trouble areas of tummy, butt, hips, and arms". That DVD has no idea how much work it has ahead of it. These DVDs are in lieu of joining a gym which I realistically have neither the time nor the money for. Of course, when talking to a friend about my weight concerns (looking for advice) he tells me to "stop making excises and feeling sorry for myself". What a motivational tool! An asshole man telling me to stop whining and just lose the weight. But that's ok...I'm over it. And I'll show him by (hopefully) being in better shape by February without whining at all between now and then. Warning: Jean and Ryan, that means you're gonna get the brunt of my pain and frustration.

Well, other than that, not much else. Christmas of Swing opened at the History Theatre last weekend, and so far so good. Jean, Matt, and Chad saw it opening night...glad you all enjoyed it. Matt, I'm still waiting for that cake. Look forward to mare entries about annoying actors and gay men backstage saying things like "Shannon I want to show you something" and then unzipping their pants. God I love my job sometimes!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I'm a Duo Celebrity

This one is mostly for Chad and Ryan (does Chad even read this?) but Jean and Lance will be amused as well perhaps.
Last night I'm working at Marshall Fields, otherwise known and the joy of my existance, and I'm working in the Men's Department. I'm straigtening ties (something that sort gives me an odd satisfaction) and a woman wanders into the area.

"Can I help you find anything specific ma'am?"
"Well, I'm looking for ties for my son. He's on the speech team."

Ahh yes, High School speech team. Mom buys ties for son.

"Oh, that's great! I was on the speech team in high school and college."
"In college? Wow! what events did you do?"
"Oh, a little bit of everything."
"Well my son is in Duo. He and his partner went shopping this weekend to pick out shirts that would match. Now I'm looking for ties."

I was in heaven! Picking out ties for Duo partners? This is one of my gifts....right Ryan?

"So did you and your partner match your suits?"

Did we ever! Best dressed duo in the state (no offense Chad)

"Yes, ma'am we did. His ties matched my suit, our shirts coordinated...we matched."
"So how did you do? Were you good?"

This one sort of surpirsed me. Does it matter? It was years ago. My forensic skills do not affect my tie matching skills.

"Well, we were pretty good. We were statechampions twice and won some national awards too."
"Really? Oh my! That's wonderful. And I bet its so much harder in college! Oh gosh....my son will be so excited that a state dup champion was helping pick out his ties! Oh this is just wonderful! I can't wait to tell him. A state champion!"

I think this woman was more excited that when we won the state tourney! She was so crazy about it...it was pretty funny. So yeah. I must admit that it was kinda fun picking out ties with her for a duo team. They got some nice Kenneth Cole ties to go with a great Geoffrey Beene shirt. Kinda brought me back. But man, was she ever excited! I'm gonna be a minor celebrity to the Eagan Speech Team. Good luck Eagan!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Brunch Just Got Gayer

Matt, Mom, and I went out for brunch yesterday. So many people I know have been raving about brunch at Dixies on Grand, so we decided to go. First of all, don’t believe anything you hear about said brunch. It was not $15.00 for the buffet and all you can drink mimosas. Instead it was $19.00 for the buffet and .50 mimosas. The desserts left something to be desired…I desired better desserts.

After we sat at our table, our waiter pranced up to us and offered us drinks and invited us to start the buffet. Sir, you clearly don’t know me…I do not need to be invited to start a buffet. While we were all working on our food, Colin (our waiter/ess) asked if we wanted biscuits…sure…who am I to turn away a biscuit? 10 minutes later, the server for the table next to us offered her table caramel rolls. What? There are caramel rolls? Colin!!! Where is my caramel roll? My mother says, “Maybe you don’t look like a caramel roll kind of girl.” Excuse me? If I don’t look like a caramel roll kind of girl then I don’t know what I look like. And if Colin can’t see that, then maybe we can’t be friends.

Let me explain that Colin and I could easily be friends. He’s perhaps one of the gayest waiters I’ve ever seen…even Matt was calling him “miss” and “waitress”. Just by looking at me, he should have known that I’m a “metabolically challenged girl with an abysmal self-esteem” and therefore the perfect friend for a gay man, but no. Colin did not see this and brought me no caramel rolls…nor did he offer me sparkling apple cider, like he offered other tables. Colin it’s over.

So that was brunch…on the plus side, the rest of the food was pretty decent and there was a chocolate fountain. I didn't dip myself in the fountain, but I did think about it.