The O'Blog

Seriously?!?!?

2008-09-02T00:30:00.002-05:00

Who does this? !?!?

It was a very surreal day at work and living in dowtown St. Paul.
Those are our windows broken out at work.

Photos courtesy of wcco.com

BRILLIANT!

2008-06-03T18:44:00.004-05:00

Oh my god where have these been all my life?

Let me try to explain how delicious these are:
It's like eating a delicious potato chip and drinking a beer at the same time without having soggy chips. They are absolutely delicious! Cub has them here in town, but the website has a Beerchip locator so you can find them close to you.
Why didn't I think of this?!?!

Who hasn't been caught in an embarassing situation?

2008-04-03T22:59:00.002-05:00

At least you're not this guy!

Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table
Friday, March 28, 2008
Ohio police have arrested a man who was caught on tape allegedly having sex with a picnic table.
Art Price Jr., 40, of Bellevue, Ohio, was arrested after a neighbor videotaped him engaged sexually with the metal table, according to a report on FOX19.com.
Price was seen on four separate occasions, always between 10:30 a.m. and noon, having sex with the picnic table, Bellevue Police Capt. Matt Johnson told the TV station.
"The first video we had, he was completely nude," Johnson said, noting the table in question had a hole in the middle intended to hold an umbrella.
Price, a married father of three school-age kids, faces felony counts of public indecency because his house is near an elementary school, according to the report.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,343031,00.html

I will never be that lonely!

It's Thursday night...

2007-12-13T19:42:00.000-06:00

and after a long week of crabby customers, exciting news, and job interviews. I really wish I was here tonight:

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2007-12-03T20:54:00.000-06:00

2007-10-13T23:56:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged in forever. I just don't seem to have the energy. I don't have to energy to break down my thoughts into words. Into cohesive and coherant phrases. Don't have the energy to really think about what I'm thinking about. That sounds dumb...lame. Ever since I got back from my vacation I've been so busy. Busy with work 50-60 hours a week and its draining physically and mentally. So here a some pics of a more relaxing time!

Seal Beach

Enjoying the sun on Seal Beach

I loved this guy!

Eating out of the fish hut

So tubby!

Just after snorkeling at Lovers Cove on Catalina

The casino on Catalina Island

Catalina Bay at sunset

Get me Outta Here

2007-08-24T19:08:00.001-05:00

In 8 days I'll be going on vacation. It can't come soon enough. Things have been hectic at work and I'm pretty much losing my position (temporarily) at work as soon as I get home from California. Hopefully it will help my attitude to come back from a relaxing vacation.

I'm really excited to see Henry obviously and get out of here for a while. We're going snorkeling off of Catalina when I'm out there, so in about 2 weeks, I'll be seeing this:

I'm pretty sure that's a Garibaldi which i believe is California's state fish and Henry told me they are abundant where we'll be snorkeling. We'll also be heading to SeaWorld again thanks to our season passes and I'm definitely going to be feeding the bat rays and dolphins again. Other than that its going to be a lot of relaxing and also taking a vacation for my LOW Low low carb diet.

Thank god.

Very Scary

2007-08-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

I've been getting lots of emails and texts, and calls....I'm ok, Matt's ok, everyone I know is ok. Matt just found out that his cousin was on the bridge when it collased. He fell about 40 feet but is ok and was able to to the hosptial with no serious injuries.

I had another friend who luckily decided to take 280 last night instead of 35W like usual.

Its very odd to see pictures of a bridge I've been on hundreds of times laying in pieces and broken in the river. I'm just really glad that Minnesota emergency personnel were so quick to act and so many people were rescued and moved quickly to the hospitals.

I'm sure all of our thought and prayers are with those directly effected by this tragic accident.

Whaaat???

2007-07-16T22:51:00.001-05:00

While I'm working with a customer today, I hear over my headset, "I'm heading up to 4th floor to look for the racoon". Since I'm with a customer, I don't react, thinking i must have misheard. Then a few minutes later, "Ok, I'm up on 4, where did the customer see the racoon."

I'm thinking to myself. This is Macy's. We don't carry racoons here. There can't possibly be a racoon in the store.

I was wrong.

Apparently racoons like Macy's sales too. And he thought he'd wander in from the parking ramp to check out the deals. Luckily he never got into the customer parts of the store. Mainly he was just in the entrance from our parking ramp roof, but that also means he missed out on the amazing linen sale!

So to recap, there was a racoon in my store today. I didn't get to see him, but John did, animal control was called, and the racoon did not buy any of the clearance Ralph Lauren sheets. Though at 60% off I'm sure he would have enjoyed them.

The Many Worlds of Macy's

2007-06-28T10:43:00.000-05:00

Department stores have stupid names for things.

Food Avenue? Target, come on it is not an avenue. It is a dirty place to buy a roller dog and a slushie.

Panty world? Yes, that's right Panty World. Tuesday morning I went into work at 7am to rearrange "Panty World". Panty World is this magical place where you can find anything from tiny strings to giant parachutes to put on your bottom. By the way, at Macy's we don't actually refer to these things as underwear or even panties. They are simply "pants" as if panties is too risque. But how do we then distinguish these"pants" from real pants? And then why in the world do we call the department Panty World??? This just confuses me. So yes, I spent my morning in this world of panties. I sized the little tiny lacy thongs, I folded the comfortable cotton boy shorts, and I hung the giant nylon granny panties. The granny panties that were a least a foot tall (I'm not exaggerating here. I held them up to myself and they literally would have come up to my boobs). The granny panties that ranged from S-XXL and the small would have fit me. I should never be able to wear a small in anything....especially not something that's supposed to cover my ass. Panty World is now well organized. It looks good. The mannequin butts on the wall "create interest". Because we freed up some space in the department, we have room for "guest seating". That's right, you can now sit in comfortable chairs in the middle of Panty World. I don't want to know what kind of person sits in that department surrounded by panties. At that my friends is Macy's Panty World.

We have another world at Macy's. Women's World. I am now managing petites and plus sizes. But we don't call it plus sizes, or even just the womens department. We call it Women's World because if you are a size 14+ you need a separate world to shop in. So as I rearranged women's world yesterday, I pondered this. Why is it a world? The misses department isn't a world. And speaking of misses, why is it misses and women's. Just because I'm a size 16 does that mean I'm not a misses. Or if you are only a size 6 are you not a woman? Why not stick to plus? I'm plus size...I know that. I know that there is more of me than there is of other people. Therefore, I am plus. But then again, if you are petite, does that make you negative? or minus? Why aren't the departments negative, regular, and plus? or petite, average, and big? These are the things I think about while I'm arranging racks and dressing mannequins at 7am. I also pondered why our "plus size" mannequins are a size 14 but the don't actually have any lumps or bulges. They are simply larger version of the size 4 mannequins. If we're gonna be accurate in showing what things look like, shouldn't they have fat rolls or something. Then I could say, "yes that will cover it up!" or "no...that wrap dress simply hugs every bulge i have". That would help.

I could also talk about how we call the department for our dishes and glassware The Cellar and yet I would never keep my dinnerware in a cellar, but I need to head to work!

a View from Saint Paul

2007-06-18T16:46:00.001-05:00

I've definitely become like everyone else regarding the major lack of blogging. Not sure why that's happened...its not for lack of material. I've thought about writing restaurant reviews of places I've been recently. I could write about work and how i'm getting shafted there. I could have written about how excited i was that Henry was coming here to see me or how sad i've been since he's left. I think i just haven't had the motivation to write anything....i'm not even journaling anymore. Sometimes it just feels like too much pressure to write...especially in this public format where there is this unwritten requirement to be witty or profound or deep or inventive. I haven't felt any of those things. But I'm getting tired of the peacock post (not that i don't LOVE Lance chasing around that poor bird)so here's some new pictures.

Henry always takes a ton of pictures. I think its his Japanese genes coming out. While he was here, he took quite a few....mostly of all the green! He was confused by all of the green and the fresh air here in MN. Anyway, here are some of the pictures from his visit to St. Paul. I love that he's taking pictures of things I see everyday and would never photgraph...enjoy!

1st view of Saint Paul

I love these pictures from Mounds park...who else would take pictures of the tornado siren???

Going to the Metrodome

Inside the dome

Praying the Twins don't get killed by the worst team ever, the Nationals

After the Twins game

The IDS tower at night

Henry was soooo excited about White Castle

I was a little scared

Como Park Conservatory & Japanese Gardens

Mickey's Diner, a Saint Paul Landmark

Landmark Center &1st Bank Building

These are at Mears Park, right across the street from my apartment

A surprise kiss by the river

Long Awaited Peacock Post

2007-05-07T11:37:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, Lance, Jean, Mom, and went to the Schell's Brewery tour. Now, sadly, the tour was LAME. VERY VERY LAME. But, for the low price of $2.00 we were able to play with peacocks, make fun of tour ladies, and get a little buzzed. The best $2.00 I've ever spent!!! And here is our day at Schell's.....

A happy peacock, minding his own business.

And along comes Lance.

This can't be good.

I'm gonna kick ya!

I'm not puttin' my tail up! Stop chasing me!!!

Do these turn you on Mr. Peacock???

I hate brewery tour assholes.

Well after successfully pissing off the Schell's peacock, it was time to go on the tour. The tour, however, was not good. We stood outside of the buildings and listened to the robotic tour guide talk about them. She didn't not appreciate our humor....not many people do. So we all decided to rebel against the tour and play in the coupln booth. My mom was supposed to be supervising us...does taking pictures of us misbehaving count as supervision?

Look out Jean!!!

I would like to buy another case of delicious Grainbelt Premium please!

Right about now is when the tour lady caught us.

And then the best part of the tour...

Look what I can do!!!

Budweiser, I'm sorry, but I had to...

It was a good day.

Summer Already????

2007-03-25T22:12:00.000-05:00

Today the high was 74. 74 degrees! And to think that a few weeks ago we had the biggest snow fall of the season. Tomorrow its going to be 78! That's warmer than it is in California. It's only the 5th day of spring...or did we somehow skip spring and head straight into late May? Needless to say, I'm excited about this time of year and its light skirts and open toed shoes and strappy sandals. Is it bad that I'm already thinking about which pair of cute shoes to wear to work tomorrow?

Movin' on up!

2007-03-06T19:34:00.000-06:00

I’m finally going to be moving. Moving out. Moving out of my mother’s house. Now don’t me wrong. I’ve enjoyed living at home. My mom and I get along very well. We make decent “house mates”. It’s nice not paying rent. Or paying for food. Or utilities. It’s nice…very nice. But at 25 (26 by the time I actually move out) it’s time to leave the nest again. I’m finally making a liveable wage, albeit a very limited liveable wage, and its time I work on supporting myself again.

After talking to Matt about wanting to move out soon but needing a roommate he said, “why don’t we live together?” Well huh. Why not? We are very good friends, get along great, and have opposite work schedules so we won’t get sick of each other. Plus Matt makes good money! So last week we started looking for places. We looked a few and fell in love with one. It’s a great 2 bedroom 2 bath in downtown Saint Paul. I’ll be able to walk to work in the skyway, it has a pool and weight room, garage parking for Matt, and did I mention 2 bathrooms?!?! Rent is pretty affordable and Matt will pay a bit extra since he has the bigger room with a bathroom attached and a bigger closet. It’s gonna be so great living downtown. And we love the layout: bedrooms on oppsite sides of the apartment, huge living room, and BUILT IN WINE RACKS!!!!

Now comes the wait to see if we get approved, and then the wait to move in on May 1st. Matt and I have already made a list of things to buy and I’m so excited. We’ll be registering at Pier 1 and Pottery Barn!

My much needed California vacation

2007-02-20T21:30:00.000-06:00

I have been home from California for a week now. It's hard to be home...in the cold, back at work (even though it's a new job), no one to give me back rubs, no lazing on the couch and napping in Henry's lap...but I suppose the fact that only happens every 6 months makes it more special...right? It was a very nice vacation filled with much needed relaxation and some fun excursions too. Here are the highlights!

One day, just to get out of the house, Henry and I headed to DownTown Disney (Disney's outdoor mall). We made a stop at LEGO Land and after browsing and reminiscing over childhood toys, Henry and I sat door (on miniature stools) and got to work on building.

Henry is very focused on his building his car.

Henry's car and my far superior hover craft

My other man

One of our planned day trips was to the Getty Villa in Malibu. The villa specializations in Greek and Roman artifacts. The Villa is so cool because the architecture is based on an actual ancient Italian villa that was uncovered. The Getty villa acquired most of the artifacts as well as architectural elements; ceiling reliefs, pillars, and most amazingly all of the original marble. One part of the museum is a 40x15 hallway all made of marble- floor, walls, pillars....all marble. Henry and I just stood there and tried to figure out the cost of a space that large made entirely of Italian marble...mind boggling.

there are 4,000 pieces in this floor pattern!

taking a break outside

Henry and I saw this pillared alcove that was clearly missing its perfect Greek statue, so we took it upon ourselves to fill in the empty space.

Henry drew this! There was a "family activity room" where you could use dry erase markers on blank urns...everyone was very impressed with his artwork.

To avoid rush hour traffic we made a pit stop at Santa Monica Pier. At the pier it was cold enough for Henry to wear the scarf I made last year. And I thought he'd never use it!

We also made another trip to Seaworld since we had free tickets. There was more dolphin feeding, a lame Shamu show (since he attacked a trainer last fall) and the best thing ever....feeding bat rays!!! No pics turned out, but it was awesome!

my Squishy sea cucumber

Henry surprised me by taking me to this restaurant called Orange Hill. They have notoriously over-priced, not-so-good food, which is why we didn't eat there. But they have an equally notorious view. So Henry's idea of sitting on the patio by the fire while sipping wine and smoking a cigar (him not me) was perfect. The view was gorgeous!

Our last evening together was spent at Morton's Steakhouse for dinner. It was an amazing night...such a great experience that it will get its own blog entry soon enough. But til then, doesn't Henry look great in a suit!

I already miss being out there. The first day I was home and stepped out to below zero weather, I thought, that's it...I'm moving out there tomorrow! Well who knows if that'll actually happen...I enjoy myself so much when I'm out there, I may eventually just become a California girl!

You Heard It Here First

2007-02-01T08:08:00.000-06:00

I got the job! That's right folks, I am furthering my retail career by becoming a Customer Service Team Lead. I wonder if my "office" will still be the closet under the escalator.
But seriously...this is great. It comes with a substantial pay raise (50% increase of what I was making before) so I feel like I will finally be being paid for all the work I've been doing. It's also a great step towards being accepted into the executive training program in June. So yay for a job!!! It will be uncomfortable around there for a few days since I was chosen over some people that have been with the company for a long time, but they simply weren't the best candidate for the job. Luckily I leave for Cali in 3 days and people can settle into the news while I'm gone...and when I get back I start making the big bucks*!

*big bucks is a relative term. Since $12.00 is the most I've ever made (other than bartending) this is the big bucks.

I need a vacation

2007-01-27T11:53:00.000-06:00

It was a rough week, so I apologize right now for the rambling that is about to follow. I think I just need to decompress and there is only so much that poor Henry can listen to!

After my weekend in Mankato for the tournament I faced 10 days in a row at work. That's a long stretch. I was also undertaking a new project at work that required quite a bit of physical work everyday....moving racks around, showing up at 7:00 in the morning and working til 5:30, climbing ladders, etc. In addition, I was given the "opportunity" to be a store trainer on some new systems for the store. Now while all these "opportunitues" were very useful for development, it made for a long work week. I also had two job interviews for a promotion that I think I deserve, but so do many other people. I was being pitted against colleages with whom I have a great working relationship, and that puts us in an awkward postition....competing with each other for a job that we all need (since the company is elliminating my current full-time position), and we all want the best for each other, while at the same time needing to be selfish and fight for the job myself. So I've had two interviews for a position that isn't too different from what I already do, but it will come with more responsibilities and a pay raise...which will be nice. I'll find out on Monday if I got the job or not...if not, I'll need to find a new position...or a while new job all together.

I also found out about a death in the family this week. I got a call at work telling me that one of my uncles (my dad's youngest brother) died in a house fire. My poor family has been through so much. This is same side of the family that had to deal with my cousin's suicide in August. So the funeral was on Friday and it was very difficult. It was even harder to see my dad carrying the urn with my uncles ashes...seems so tragic. His ashes were buried next to my cousin...which is sort of nice. What makes it more tragic are the circumstances. Again, I probably shouldn't even write about this, but I just need to get it out. He was on the second floor of the house and there was no way out. Turns out the fire was set deliberately. The couple that lived o nthe firsst floor got into an argument and the woman left. Her boyfriend called a short while later telling her to come home because the house was on fire. We believe that he started the fire to get her back. He's been arrested. This just makes it all seem even more tragic. To have someone die so young in an accident is one thing, but if he dies because some couple was fighting makes it even worse.

On the plus side, I will be in California in 6 days or approxiamately 161 hours...not that I'm counting! This is a MUCH NEEDED vacation. I know it's only been 5 months since my last trip out there, but it's been a long 5 months! With so many changes at work and family things and after being so sick this fall, I just really need a week of relaxation, fun, and a change of scenery. We're planning a couple of activities (the Griffith observatory, the getty museum in Malibu, and perhaps another Seaworld visit), but other than that its going to be hanging out with Henry and friends, watching movies, and eating homemade Japanese food. I can't wait!!!

Trying to catch up

2007-01-10T22:42:00.000-06:00

I told Jean that I'd write about New Years. I said I'd post other pictures and write the real story of peeing in the men's bathroom at the Half Time Rec and walking out of the stinky stall only to see Ryan (thank god I didn't see all of Ryan). I also thought I might mention the man licking my face while I was calling Henry and the other man grabbing my boobs. Thought I might thank the band for an awesome New Year's Eve...well all of that was over a week ago and I don't have the energy to relive that night wittily. Yeah I made that up. So instead I'll post these couple of pictures that I think fully display the great night that it was. Thanks TSB! Thanks Jean!

So then last week I promised Lance that I'd write about the Clap. I do owe him that one...afterall, he did move down to the cities just so he could hang out at the MMC with us! I was excited to hang out with Lance...its been so long and now we'll have way more opportunities. We kicked off his first week here with a trip to the MMC of course. We walked in and the first thing I saw was the Clap on the dance floor. I thought, "this will be good". Little did I realize how good. BTW, the Clap has a new name too. Mrs. Kool-Aid. Now instead of simply clapping all the time, she also yells, "Oh yeah!". Well, I quickly notice the Clap's ensemble: jeans, and long sleeve T, and this long fuzzy thing that is pinned up between her boobs and pinned again in the back. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT???? I asked Lance. He didn't know either. This is when I offered Lance a dollar if he asked her what the hell she was wearing. Lance was up to the challenge. About half an hour into our beers, the Clap walks up to us and loudly informs us that she split her pants. Apparently this happened only minutes before we arrived. I'm sure if I'm glad I missed it or if I would have enjoyed witnessing the comedy. Needless to say, she couldn't drag herself away from the dance floor...not even for a crotch to ass pants split. But don't worry...the clap has an idea. An idea that she describes to Lance when he asks her, "Hey where did you get that thing?" "This?" says the clap pointing at her fuzzy thing. "I got it at Walgreen's.....or Wal-Mart. It's a scarf. A big scarf. They're like 3 for $9.00 at Walgreens. You know...Walgreens? So yeah I must have like 12 of 'em. When I split my pants I got it out of my car and pinned it on."

Of course you did. Lance drew a picture of this "skirf or skart of you will" I leave you with this image:

Well that is all for now folks...I have a lot of Macy's bitching to do...big changes good and bad. Possible promotions, lots of new responsibilities, some losses, etc. I just don't have it in me tonight (after sitting through an 8 hour training seminar today....urgghhh). More on the lovely job later!

this sucks

2006-12-20T04:33:00.000-06:00

It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm getting ready for work. I have to be there at 5:30. I can't wait for the holiday retail season to be over.

Is it ok????

2006-12-13T17:34:00.000-06:00

I've been meaning to write about this since Thanksgiving. Its a debate that Jean and I had at the MMC. Now perhaps we were only discussing this because we were delirious from the 12 pounds of turkey we had eaten, but somehow I think we'd have ended up debating this at some point regardless of the situation.
While at the MMC we saw a woman wearing the most delightful shirt. In fact I'm surprised that its not on Jean's Christmas list. It was a shirt that was covered in screen printed wolves. I believe that there may also have been glitter...it was hard to see. Naturally Jean and I instantly gave each other the "did you just see what I saw Oh My God!" look. But then we noticed that this woman had on a very large plastic back brace: clearly indicating some serious injury or disability. This poses the question: (I sound like I'm in an extemp round) "Is it OK to make fun of a terribly unfortunate shirt/clothing choice if the person wearing is clearly disabled?" I say yes and here are my reasons. We weren't saying "oh my god that lady is so ugly." We were saying "That shirt is so ugly." And it was...hideous...and not at all appropriate for the Thanksgiving holiday bar experience (anyone recall the Thanksgiving whore from last year?. We are making fun of the shirt. Not the woman or her disability.
I suppose it could go further. If, for example, I see a mentally challenged person wearing a screen printed sweatshirt (the kind with the fake polo shirt collar on top) can i make fun of that? Perhaps the mental disability makes her think that its a nice shirt! At that point am I inadvertently making fun of the shirt and the disability?

What do you think? Is it OK to make fun of a terribly ugly shirt of the person wearing it has some sort of disability? Inquiring minds must know!

Getting back into things...

2006-11-30T17:26:00.001-06:00

Apparently I don't Blog anymore. I don't know why. It certainly isn't for lack of things to write about. I mean I haven't written in nearly two months! Of course that's nothing compared to Chad. I think it's laziness. I think "hey I should blog about that!" but then I sit on the couch with my book or my crochet project (yes I'm a crafty dork) and I forget all about blogging. I used to love doing this...writing for my amusement and therapy. I think I should start again.
Here are some things that have happened since I last wrote:
- I've worked a lot. A LOT. Spent a fair time bar tending including one concert by former Grateful Dead members. After the concert a man walked up to me holding a pair of knee-high Ty-dyed socks. He said, "So do you wanna buy some socks?....or drugs?" Hmmmm socks or drugs...tough choice. Actually I think I'm good.

-I acquired a stomach bacteria called Helicobacter pylori. My mom nicknamed it the helicopter...and that's sorta what it felt like...a helicopter eating my stomach lining. Thanks to Mr. H Pylori I now have ulcerations in my stomach. Lost 15 pounds though! Gained 10 back once I started eating again, but I figure I'm ahead 5 pounds right?

-I've decided to interview for the Macy's management program in the Spring. I kinda feel like a sell-out but I'm totally lacking direction right now and with a goal I feel much better.

-I've found a cheap flight to California for my February vacation

-I have nearly completed my Christmas shopping.

Well that's about it...I think I've exhausted my blogging stamina for today. Gotta pace yourself when you come back from a long break ya know?

Happy Columbus Day!

2006-10-09T15:30:00.000-05:00

Its Columbus Day. A day we don't really celebrate anymore. I remember when I was a kid we used to get the day off from school. I don't think kids get it off anymore. In fact the only reason I'm writing about Columbus Day is because of something that happened at work.

Like many many retail stores, Macy's has a Columbus Day Sale. Why is that? "Celebrate the accidental discovery of the Western Hemisphere by purchasing crap you don't need! PS we had the same sale last week and will have it again next week only with a different name."

Anyway, it is what it is and many stores have a sale by this name. But yesterday a woman called our store to protest. She and a group of her angry friends were sitting at her home calling various stores to voice their frustration about Columbus Day sales. "Why would you have a sale that celebrates a murderer, rapist, and slave trader? I'm never shopping their again!" The manager calmly explained that the corporate sales staff set up the ad /sale campaigns and we just run them. We didn't come up with it, we're just putting up the signs. I'm sure this lady thought that the St. Paul Macy's had the brilliant idea to have a Columbus Day sale that no other Macy's was having. Cuz in St. Paul we like Italian men who borrow money from the Spanish and Portuguese and accidentally land NEAR America. We like to celebrate that.

After realizing that we wouldn't do anything about her complaint, I assume the woman went on to call Herbergers, Sears, JC Penny's and whomever else is having a Columbus Day Sale. I wish I had that lady's problems!

Retail Crazies

2006-10-02T13:33:00.000-05:00

The crazies are out prowling the retail stores of downtown Saint Paul. I’m convinced that we’re close to a full moon and somehow that makes the crazies gravitate toward me at work. It’s like lunar tide pulls except with mentally unstable people….

3 days ago I was confronted with the oddest question I’ve ever been asked: “Do you hire people to sexually harass your customers?”

Let me start at the beginning:
A woman came up to the counter and asked to speak to a manager. I asked what it was in regards to so that I could contact the correct manager. She said that it was in regards to our sexual harassment policy. At this point I was concerned that perhaps something had happened to her.
“Ma’am have you been harassed in our store?”
“No. I just want to know what your policy is.”
“We have a strict no harassment policy here. What can I do for you?”
She launches into this story about some man who was calling her a “witch” and shouting anti-Semitic things at her in the Wells-Fargo Building. Supposedly, this man works for MNSCU who has an office in the Wells Fargo building.
“Ma’am I’m terribly sorry that that happened to you. I suggest that you talk to the security at Wells Fargo. If nothing happened in our store, our security can’t do anything.”
“But what if he follows me in here?”
“If you ever feel threatened in our store, find any employee and we’ll get our security involved.”

Here’s where it gets crazy:
“I have one more question. Do you have people here who sexually harass your customers?”
“What do you mean ma’am?”
“Well, do you hire people to sexually harass your customers?”
I’m dumbfounded
“No ma’am why would we do that?”
“I don’t know, why would you?”
Touché. I can’t answer that. Why would we? Then comes one last big question.
“Do you sexually harass people?”
WHAT?!?!?
“No ma’am I don’t.”
And I’m thinking if I did, she wouldn’t have been my first choice of targets.
I kindly asked the woman to leave at that point. WTF? Do we hire people to harass customers? Do I harass customers? It’s gotta be a full moon.

Shove It

2006-09-27T23:05:00.000-05:00

Last week/weekend was a delightful time at Macy's. It was the last of the semi-annual Customer Satisfaction Survey's. As Marshall Fields, we had to have 1000 surveys filled out every spring and fall to gauge who people felt about our store. Our raises were mostly dependent on those scores and how many credit accounts we open. Macy's thought it'd be a great idea to do one last survey. A sort of last hurrah from the old Marshall Fields days in case we would all miss begging people to fill out a survey. Besides, people here aren't angry enough about Macy's taking over, lets give them the chance to formally bitch about it on a survey.

Being a full time Macy's Express person, I got to solicit these surveys twice last week. I loved every minute of it. Not often do you get the opportunity to get rejected by hundreds of strangers a day. Not every job allows you the wide range of responses such as glares, blatant ignorance of your existence, and people who start running away when they see you.

In all fairness I generally do not participate in surveys at stores. But I'm polite about it. Or, if it looks short I'll do it. Ours was 12 questions. Quick. On a 5x7 piece of paper. Short. Report card format. Easy. But I understand if you don't have 30 seconds to give your opinion about a store you either like (you're shopping there) or hate (you can't accept change). If you don't have time be nice about it!!!!! The people soliciting these surveys DO NOT get paid enough to deal with your rude behavior. In case you don't follow my meaning, here are some examples that I was subjected to that you should not follow:

- do not say "I'm in a hurry" then run past the person only to spend the next half hour shopping in their visual field...at least go to a different floor if you're gonna lie

-do not say "am I gonna get something if I do it? no? then forget it!"

- do not say "I did it yesterday" if we were not doing it yesterday

-do not say "no I won't take your survey! I hate Macy's! I hated Marshall Fields too! I want Dayton's back!" (btw lady, its been 7 years since Daytons was gone. and why are you still shopping here if you hate it?)

- do not put your hand in my face and curtly say "no" before I even ask you a question

-above all else DO NOT walk up to me and say "I'm disgusted! You can shove it!" and walk away. (found out he was "disgusted" with us because his bank declined his check for insufficient funds. Yes...your financial irresponsibility are my fault sir"

There you have it...do not do these things to the poor people soliciting surveys. They don't wanna do it anymore than you do...TRUST ME!

Kick Ass Vacation!

2006-09-13T12:56:00.000-05:00

The first big thing we did was visit Seaworld. As soon as we walked through the gates, Henry put on his Japanese tourist costume (the camera) and started clicking. By the end of the trip between Henry, his friend Jimmy, and myself we had over 600 pictures. I was able to narrow it down to my 140 favorites to print. Don't worry...blogger would never support that many, so here are some of my favs.

I fed and pet a ton of dolphins. It was so much fun!

The Beluga whale kept swimming to the glass and pressing his head against it.

The Shamu show was awesome! I realized i wanted to stage manage it cuz there were so many cool light and sounds cues...especially the night show: "Shamu's house of Douse". And guys can you imagine have a killer whale's mouth in your crotch?

Dance dolphins dance!

This is one of my favorites. Seaworld was a very good day!!!

After Seaworld we went to this kinda sketchy Mexican place. I like that the sign says "Healthy Mexican & Seafood" There was nothing healthy there and who would get seafood from a place where you had to put a token in the bathroom door to use it???

Are you actually gonna eat that? Honestly though, the food was pretty good. Potato Tacos. For the Irish Mexican in all of us!

Time for the happiest place on earth!

Capt. Jack Sparrow made me happy!

Henry was unsuccessful at pulling the sword from the stone.

I like that rather than purchase the picture of us on Space Mtn., Henry just took a picture of the picture. Those 2 in front wet themselves from the looks of it!

My princess castle

Us and the goof and me and Mickey...both in their fancy 50th anniversary costumes!

I finally got my ears! I was adorable! And so is this pic...another great day!

Watching the sunset at Seal Beach

We went to the tide pools at Corona Del Mar again. I saw a sea slug and called him my squishy cuz that's how he felt....squishy.

After petting squishies we climbed rocks.

It was a great vacation and it was really hard to come home...especially hard to come home to cooler weather and work. I love visiting California and seeing Henry. Being with someone...ya know? But all good things must come to an end so that we can begin looking forward to another visit! I can't wait!!!

Home Again

2006-09-11T23:11:00.000-05:00

I back from sunny california just in time for the 55 degree weather! Its odd that yesterday i was at the beach in shorts and a tank and today i'm wearing a builky sweater. I've been doing laundry and editing pictures all day since i luckily was not scheduled at work. (its always nice to have an extra day off after vacation to recoop). I'm sure I'll post a full blog tomorrow or wednesday, but the long and short of it is that I had a great time! I fed a dolphin, met Mickey Mouse, and spent time with the "boyfriend" (for lack of a better term).

Spending the week with him was the best part...and here's a little preview...when we got to his house he covered my eyes and brought me into the room where he had set this up:
All of these little lanterns and tealights. A great beginning to the week! More later!

The Suspense is over

2006-08-07T22:27:00.000-05:00

Here she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry it took so long...she was just too much for blogger to handle. This lady needed a photo bucket to upload her beauty!

Let me introduce you to Suspenders. Suspenders has a penchant for daisy duke shorts. And with a body like that, who can blame her? If you've got flaunt it....flaunt it all! Flaunt so much of it that you need denim suspenders to hold it all up! And yes boys..."they" are real. Don't believe me? Read her shirt. That's proof enough. I've often found that by wearing a shirt that says, "Yes they're real" you get a more positive response from classy men with mullets. Speaking of mullets, Suspenders loves em! She spent the whole night dancing with a (female?) mullet sporting tight, knee-length, cut off shorts and moccasins. Hott!!! While Suspenders is attracted to mullet, she herself prefers the giant blonde curly phony-pony. I guess the shirt wasn't referring to her golden locks. And to keep extra phony-ponies and spare suspenders, Suspenders carries a leather backpack with at all times to avoid and fashion crises. Its nice to be prepared.

So thank you Suspenders for a delightful evening. Not since Leopard Queen have I had so much fun!

for the record....

2006-08-03T09:58:00.000-05:00

I have tried twice (yesterday and today) to write the post about the previously mentioned MMC dancer. But BLOGGER won't let me post a picture...jerk ass. And Jean can agree that it just wouldn't be worth it without a picture. I will give you a hint...her name is suspenders. I'll try again soon. Stupid blogger.

2006-07-31T11:38:00.000-05:00

Ok...I have a hilarious photo to post and blog to write about someone from Thursday night at the MMC, but I'm just not in the mood. I got some pretty awful family news yesterday resulting in a funeral to attend towards the end of the week.

But, the good thing is that someone really took care of me last night. He listened while i was upset. Told me to let it out...and i sorta did, which isn't easy. Then just at the right moment he changed the subject. He didn't try to make me happy, just tried to distract me from the shittiness of life. And then......he sang me to sleep. It could only have been better if he were with me hugging me rather than me hugging the stuffed giraffe that is his namesake. I'm so thankful for him.

But the point is that sometime soon a hilarious photo will be here...as soon as I'm up to accurately describing the character.

An Open Letter to centipedes

2006-07-26T13:36:00.000-05:00

Dear Centipede family living in my house,

Please move out. I understand that it's ungodly hot outside and that your little feet probably get burnt on the hot cement, but that is no reason for you to come into my home. I would greatly appreciate it if you left. If however, you insist on living here (rent free I might add), then please refrain from coming out in the open. Stick to the pipes and inside the walls or wherever it is you have set up you little condos.

You may have noticed that some of your family members have gone missing recently. That is because they did not comply with the aforementioned request of staying hidden. For example, do not hang out on top of the washing machine in the basement. When I walk in to do a load of whites I do not want to meet your gaze. Nor do I want to see you scamper down the side of the washer and run in circles on the basement floor trying to predict my move. I will squish you with the laundry detergent bottle. It will hurt. I will not feel bad.

Hanging out in my shower is another sure way to die. I do not appreciate opening my shower door and finding one of you chillin' in there. I will slam the door as I gasp and curse your name. Then I will retrieve the laundry detergent bottle once again. Just be glad I didn't squirt you with soap scum remover which was the closest thing to me at the time. That would have been more painful that being squished.

Let these examples be a lesson. I do not want you here. I can ignore your existence if I do not see you. But your visible presence will provoke unapologetic violence. If you value your lives you will move out or stay hidden.

Sincerely,
Shannon

Surprise!

2006-07-26T13:31:00.000-05:00

Lance Bass of `N Sync reveals he's gay
Are any of us really suprised???
I like that he says, "I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand...".
Enough said.

Professor Poopypants names us all!

2006-07-22T11:12:00.000-05:00

I was feeling very childish this morning as I was whining about having to go into work. Luckily for me (and all of you) i received an email from a friend including this link. It's hilarious...if you're 9 years old. Or you're me right now. So, welcome to your new blog titles everyone! Love, Snotty Burgerchunks

Blog Neglect

2006-07-17T22:30:00.000-05:00

I have neglected my blog. I'm a bad blogger. I feel guilty about it. The lack of writing has been because of a lack of material. I think it's the heat and the boredom of summer. It's been sort of a dull summer for me...especially knowing that time is slowly ticking down to my vacation to California. But, this past weekend I went with Rae to Taylor's Falls with her boy and a great weekend on the lake. Swimming, poking butts with water noodles, drinking, eating, drinking, more swimming (naked)...it was a good time...pictures coming soon (but not of the nakedness).

I would, however, like to take the time to mention a few things I've learned lately, mostly at work.

-It’s ok to steal from your co-workers. There have been three separate thefts from the Fields Express (my team) office over the last two weeks. None of my money has been stolen, but I’m still outraged at the fact that the company is doing nothing to catch the person we KNOW is doing this. I don’t bring money to work anymore when “thief girl” is working. The security guys will chase people out of the store who steal an $8.00 clearance item, but they do nothing when over $150.00 has been stolen from the employees.

-Weird kid still works at Field’s even though he’s had about 10 “no call no show” days. How is that allowed?

-A crazy woman who is employed as a “banquet server” came into work and ranted to me about how our display tables were set improperly. Our cups and saucers ands napkins were in the wrong spot. This clearly warrants rearranging the table immediately (even though she doesn’t work at Field’s) as well as leaving a comment card for the store manger informing him of the atrocity.

-Women are disgusting. PAY ATTENTION LADIES. DO NOT LEAVE FITTING ROOMS FULL OF CLOTHES!!! I walked into 3 fitting rooms that were shin deep (NO LIE!) in swim suits. SHIN DEEP!!! Do you know how many swim suits that is??? Pick ‘em up ladies!

-When filling out the online job application within the store, it is apparently ok to grab a current employee and ask what the correct answers are to the subjective questions.

-And finally….something I noticed at Target.

This is a real product. Great name.

Oh my god

2006-06-28T18:55:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears pregnant and nude.
You have got to be kidding me.
That's all I have to say.

Dance Time Fantastic

2006-06-21T21:42:00.000-05:00

Last week was perhaps one of the best weeks ever at the MMC. EVER!

First of all, Jean and I smelled nice...Tony even said so. So that's a plus. Any day is a good day when you smell nice.

Secondly, it was "make out on the dance floor" night. Always one of my favorites. I love watching a man's hand slide all the way up a woman's skirt while they are grinding to Billy Jean. I think more old people should make out. You can never have enough of that either.

Thirdly, I would like to thank "smells like teen spirit" and "Johann Sebastian Mohawk" for asking Jean to dance. "Smells like teen spirit" had the dance moves of Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. I thought maybe he was upset because he burned the toast like in the movie. Johann Sebastian Mohawk thought he could woo Jean (even though he didn't really talk to her). He also thought he could dance. He also had a mohawk.

But the thing that tops 'em all is Leopard Queen.

Sir I would like to congratulate you on your fashion sense. Bravo! You wear animal print like no one I've seen before. You have legs that don't quit and a waist that models are envious of. You also have a fancy mustache and shiny bangle bracelets. Your dance moves are far superior to anyone else's. I cannot compete with you sir, nor would I want to. Thank you for making my night. Words cannot do this man justice so I will allow the pictures to speak for themselves.

gimme a cookie

2006-06-14T17:15:00.000-05:00

After the shitty shitty day i had at work (which began with a customer spilling coffee on me and ending with a fellow employee yelling at me) I deserve a giant cookie. Just like this squirrel. I think his was a pecan sandie, but I'm not too picky.

Are we on cops?

2006-06-03T22:18:00.000-05:00

It's probably hard to tell what this is but it is a cop in my backyard with a rifle...a loaded and ready to fire rifle. Let me tell you all a little story:

My mom, her friend Carol and I are having a delicious dinner when all of a sudden Carol says, "there's someone in your back yard". So mom goes to the kitchen and she says, "its a cop!". Then she opens the door. The cop steps back from behind a tree and is holding a rife. He says "don't come out here" so she closes the door. Being nosy, we're all looking out the windows. There are like 6 cops with rifles and pistols pointed at our neighbors house. They were hiding behind shit and turning corners with the guns pointed. This went on for like 30 minutes then they just left and never told us anything about what they were doing. I think we'll just keep our doors permenantly locked! God I love my neighborhood!

Full Time Employment is good

2006-05-31T11:23:00.000-05:00

As of June 4th I will be a full time employee at Marshall Fields. I am excited about this...at least for the time being. Some people have told me I'm wasting my time- that I shouldn't be working retail. Others have said this is a good step to something else. I'm just looking at it as something steadier than theatre for a while and as a nice break from the job that made me dislike what i used to love.

But the best part of being full time at Marshall Fields is...HEALTH INSURANCE! [insert heavenly "ahhhhs" here]. That's right I will have health insurance as of July. Who excited? ME! Yay for being able to go to the doctor if I'm hemorrhaging!

Post-op recovery

2006-05-26T09:21:00.000-05:00

Mom is doing ok...she'll be coming home later this afternoon. When I have the engery I'll blog about all the ridiculous things at the hospital. However, this post-op blog is about me. I'm trying to recover from the time with grandma thus far...and its not even over yet.

Initially we thought we'd go the hospital this morning and mom would come home early...around noon. But mom just called. Her calcium levels aren't high enough yet (due to nurses uanable to read instructions) so her doctor wants to wait a few hours. Mom won't be home til late afternoon and she asked us NOT to come to the hospital until she calls. No point in us sitting there for 5+ hours making her room hot and her sick. But, my grandma is pacing saying "we have to go...she can't sit there alone". And I'm like "well go then, but she asked us not to". And then there's dinner: I'm trying to offer to make things for dinner and she keeps turning it all down. then i find out that its because she doesn't think mom will eat it. Well if we only eat what mom can eat, we're having mashed potatoes and jello for dinner. Not necessarily a bad dinner, just not what i had in mind. So fuck it. When mom gets home we'll find out what she wants to eat. Grandma and Grandpa can do what they want and I can eat cheesecake for dinner....lots of cheesecake...and some vodka. Lots of vodka.

I know she means well. She's worried. She's trying to be helpful. But no, I will not hang towels in the windows to block out the sun. I know its warm. Leave the fans on...stop turning them off. And I know grandma is just trying to find something to do with her time. But saying we need to dust the house before mom gets home even though i just dusted on tuesday is not helpful. I know grandma dusts sher house everyday, but that's not normal.

I'm just looking forward to mom being home. I'm also looking forward to going back to work tonight and then again being there all day tomorrow. I'm really looking forwards to drinks tonight (it might even be a semi-date...at least I know I'm getting kissed).
Sorry for the rant...it needed to come out.

Cancer Be Gone!

2006-05-23T19:23:00.001-05:00

Mom's thyroidectomy is tomorrow morning.

She has to be there bright and early at 7:00am. Matty and I will show up at 8:00am with doughnuts and juice for grandma & grandpa. We will play cribbage, and phase 10, and backgammon. We will think good thoughts. Grandma & Grandpa will be very nervous. I will try not to be. Matt will distract them. Rae will stop by- so will her mom.

Mom will come home two days later. She'll relax for a couple of weeks. Listen to my I-Tunes. Watch lots of movies. Read some books.

And the cancer will be gone.
I pray.

Ducktales...Woo-ooo!

2006-05-20T22:40:00.000-05:00

I now own this:

I'm pretty sure that makes me awesome.

It's also pretty awesome that I remember 90% of the opening song.

Who wants to come to the Ducktales party?

Ultimately I realize I'm a huge dork for owning this.

Bring on the Summer!

2006-05-18T12:36:00.000-05:00

Lets try this again...

I have come to the realization that I have 2 weeks left at the theatre. That's it...2 weeks. I won't be returning to the History Theatre next season and it seems unlikely that I will find a paying position at another theatre. So, I could be done with theatre all together...kind of sad but I'm not thinking of it that way yet. I aslo thought I'd be working on Corleone this summer but it turns out I won't....unless I can get to NYC, find a place to stay for a month, and be willing to work the NY Fringe Festival for free. Nice idea David Mann, but I can't do any of those things.

What I am left with is a theatre-less summer....for the first time in a few years. I'm actually really looking forward to this. There is a VERY good chance that i will be moved to a full time position at Marshall Fields which is slight step up and a slight pay increase. I will make more money this summer than I have in a long time which is great but kinda sad since its just retail. But, considering that the last few summers I've been getting paid $100 a week, anything is an improvement. In fact, there are many other benefits to not working theatre this summer. The theatre schedule is sooo busy during rehearsal (about 10 hours a day) and so strict during performance (every night except Mondays). Given that retail is much more forgiving here is a list of things I'm looking forward to for the summer:

-the store closes at 8:00pm so I will still have my evenings
-the store usually opens at 10:00am so I won't usually have to be at work before 9:15am
-bike rides! Rachel is buying a rack for her car and we will be hitting up bike trails around MN...40 mile Gateway Trail here we come!
-shopping: Jean we both get discounts at good stores...lets use each other! Fields will be clearancing all their store brand to make room for Macy's. I smell bargains!
-working out...gotta get back on that
-Zoo day with Jean and Travis, then Grand Old Creamery
-MMC block party
-Tony Sims Band in the summer
-grilling...though I have to buy a grill...or use Matt's dad's grill which is the size of my house!
-getting a tan...probably while doing yardwork
-time with Matty...camping?
-reading while laying on a blanket
-taking my new i-shuffle everywhere
-I can request time off!
-said time off will be used for...
*a trip to Mankato
*possible road trip with Jean & Lance
*time with Ryan around the 4th
*a weekend of Shakespeare in Winona
*a trip to California in September (i know that's not summer anymore, but i'm still putting it on the list) this trip will include a visit to Disneyland and embarrassing pictures of me with foam suit Disney characters. I miss my California:(

2 more weeks of theatre. Bring on the summer! I got stuff to do!

fuck blogger

2006-05-18T11:37:00.000-05:00

I just wrote a super long post about why i can't wait for the summer...and stupid ass motherfucking cocklicking blogger erasesd it.

If I have the patience to write it again today I will...til then...

FUCK YOU BLOGGER

thanks for a great birthday!

2006-05-08T17:31:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to thank everyone for all the birthday wishes. AV, chad, Matt...thanks for the b-day greetings. Ryan and Lance, thanks for not posting the horrible picture post...i think the new tradition of cute pictures is a good one! And Jean where is my blender phone and hot guy?
However, despite not getting a fish sweater, I'm am now the proud owner of an adorable red leather purse (thanks Jean). Ducktales volume 1 is on its way thanks to Ryan, an IPod is coming to me via matty and my mom, and Lance sent me $$$ to go see/buy movies. Thanks everyone!!! I also received many gift cards for barnes and noble...perhaps my favorite store.

We had a great time at the MMC thursday night. Much Much alcohol was cosumed...mostly by me. Lets see...matt bought me shots, rae bought me shots, Tony bought me shots....I think the grand total was about 7 shots and 5 beers....pretty good for a girl who didn't eat much that day! There was much drunken dancing and picture taking. Thanks guys! Oh...and we met Rae's new boy!

Welcome Maties!

2006-05-02T21:37:00.000-05:00

Per Ryan's request you all have pirate's names now. If I didn't know your full name I used your blog name to generate the fabulous pirate names. I find it odd that Matt, who has no hair, is called Jolly Mullet. Chad, as Sealegs Rackham I assume that you are my swashbuckling brother and will inherit all my booty should I perish on the high seas. Hope you enjoy your pirate names! For a more accurate and amusing time, check out this pirate name survey and let me know what you get! That's where I got Captain Scarlett Rackham.

CAPTAIN SCARLETT RACKHAM

2006-05-02T11:55:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all your imput...I combined a few to create a name that commands respect. People at work actually call me this...on headset I say "Yarrrr" when people ask me things. I think I may have found a new career. Ruamor also has it that there is a foam pirate hat in the works...I love our prop master! Pictures of my first mate are on the way...he's a bit camera shy.

Here's a pirate joke: A pirate walks into a bar and he has a ships wheel stuck in his pants. The bartended says, "hey captain, you got a wheel in your pants." The pirate says, "I know. It's drivin me nuts!"
It works best when you use a pirate voice. I laughed a lot. But it could have been cuz i was drunk and tired when I heard it.

6 letter word

2006-05-01T10:57:00.000-05:00

I can think of lots of six letter words; donkey, vacuum, videos, cereal, orange, kitten...but last Thursday I discovered a really big 6 letter word: CANCER. That's a big word. It's only 6 little letters but it's huge. The big C word.

Last week we found out that my mom has thyroid cancer. Amazing what changes when that word enters your life. We've dealt with cancer in my family before. 2 years ago, my aunt had uterine cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. That was big too...I vividly remember finding out, crawling into bed with Ryan in St. Louis and crying. But now its here...in my house...in my mom.

Words are now in my vocabulary that I didn't even know before. Papillary thyroid cancer (the "best kind to get" if there is one) is now a term I know. Endochronologists are doctors that I will visit with my mom. Hypoparathyroidism is a complication. Radioactive-iodine treatment will be the next step in the even surgery doesn't remove it all....
So many words and terms have become part of me in the last 4 days.

I'm dealing with it better than I thought...of course when I first heard the word cancer in relation to my mom I lost it. But after about 15 minutes of sobbing at work I realized what's the point? Nothing we can do but get through this. It's shitty....really really shitty. But it could be worse...and we'll deal with that if it comes.

We have the first appointment with the surgeon today to find out how soon the thyroidectomy needs to be done. Auntie Di comes up this week to celebrate the big 25 with me. We'll go to Tony Sims. They'll see Farm Boys (a GREAT show at my theatre...come see it). And we'll try not to talk to much about the big 6 letter word.

A Pirate's Life for Me

2006-04-26T10:36:00.000-05:00

I'm in the middle of tech week for Farm Boys which is going to be a very good show. The weekend was a little hectic, but I only thought of walking out or getting drunk on the job twice so that's not too bad. And tonight will be good cuz we're going drinking after rehearsal. But yester REALLY made my day....
At the end of the play these barn doors are supposed to slowly/magically open...enter: ME
Well the door weren't really working very well the first two days. So we have a new method...lets use a hand crank winch (which sounds like wench) so that mechanical force is working WITH me to open these doors...smart huh? So I go in to work yesterday and backstage there is a ships wheel...a big steering wheel from a boat. I laughed my ass off! Apparently the steel bars from the winch posed a hazard so they put the ships wheel over them...instant piratre ship for Shannon!!!! I haven't taken pictures yet, but I guarentee some Kodak moments will be occuring back there. I already have a pirate flag hangin above the wheel and I have my first mate. Skippy. A fake crow with a lime green eye patch. Yarrrrr.
So now I need a pirate name. Suprisingly there are a number of pirate name generators online. I tried a few and come up with some options. Oddly enough, even though no questions referred to body type, many of the names refer to my bosom (as a pirate might say). So here are the names...which one do ya like?

Captain Charity Rackham (my fav so far)
Sealegs Prudence
Busty Shannon Blackwater (my least fav)
Bloody Shannon Scarlett
Captain Charity Goodfellow

Today is a good day

2006-04-10T16:03:00.000-05:00

It's gorgeous outside! It's currently 73 degrees and even though I'm about to leave for work I'm in a good mood. I spent over an hour outside (before the neighboor kids got home from school) putting out the deck furniture, racking up stray leaves, uncover our flowers, and trimming back the rose bush (which only bit back once). Then I grabbed a book and a diet cherry coke and sat outside and read. I loved it. I'm also getting used to my new hair color...which is another story....

The Clairol company can kiss my ass for discontinuing Herbal Essences #61.5 spiced terra. That is my hair color...it has been since this summer. So fuck you for getting rid of it. However, in honor of spring, I decided to go brighter. I am now Molten Lava. I was Molten Lava once before, but it seems brighter this time . It's a bit blinding in the sun, so put on your shades folks! But it's bold, it's pretty, and it's kinda sexy, which for some inexplicable reason is how I'm feeling today!

2006-04-05T11:10:00.000-05:00

Thank you getty images and Andy Warhol impersonator for perfectly showing how I felt last night and what I'm working on getting over. Except I'm not blonde...and the real boy doesn't look like Clark Kent/Superman. Damn I'm a stupid girl!

I'm a cat, I'm a kitty cat...

2006-04-03T11:39:00.000-05:00

Some of you (especially Jean) may remember the last time I house/cat sat. Well I did it again last week. I spent 5 days at the house and with the sweet adorable cat. Unlike last time (when she occasionally hissed at me), she decided that I'm cool now. Cute kitty Widget followed me around the whole time I was there. If I was sitting she was in my lap. She layed on the bed next to me. In the morning when I was feeling lazy and laying on the couch in my pjs, she layed on my tummy and purred. It was great. It made me really want a pet...cuz fish don't count.
Ordinarily I'm not really a cat person. Cats are kind of snobby. The walk on your shit as if they own it...in fact they think they DO own it. You are there to cater to them and do their every bidding. Plus there's the hair...ALL OF THE DAMN CAT HAIR! How can an animal lose that much hair and not go bald????
But I out all of that aside when Widget would come out when I came home from work and sit at my feet and Meow. And when she'd nudge my hand with her head while I was watching 6 Feet Under. And when she layed on her back and rolled around just begging for her tummy to be rubbed. She was damned cute and I may just be a cat person now....if it weren't for the hair.

I'll forgive her for looking posessed in this one...cats eyes are weird!

Updates

2006-03-13T14:01:00.000-06:00

The show is open now. Here is the previously mentioned list of things I like:

-There is a song called Slant Eyed Bitch. That makes me laugh.
-No gun anymore( but now I make a rather realistic gun noise by wailing on a 1x4 with a huge rubber mallet.
-The show is only 2 hours long approx.
-Some of the music is kinda cool.
-Supposedly I’m getting paid more for the added performances.
-I don’t have to do any costume changes.
-We have a bet going how many times we’ll start on time. So far we’re at zero. Opening night the 16 year old (who may be the death of me) showed up at 4 minutes to curtain. This isn’t necessarily something I like, but it makes me laugh. Sometimes all you can do is smile and shake your head.

Other updates:

-I’ve already shoveled 10” of snow today… more on that later I’m sure.
-I bartended at the Fitz last night for the 1st time in months…tips were very nice!
-I got a whopping .20c raise at Marshall Field’s for being such an outstanding employee.
-I talked to my manager about the incident with weird kid. She’s also concerned…luckily he’s still within the 90 day probationary period. Perhaps my days with weird kid are numbered.
-Cross your fingers that Corleone will be performed in July. That means I’ll have job and a fun show to stage manage.
-It’s still snowing.

Snapshots: My Job is Shitty

2006-03-09T12:21:00.000-06:00

You may recall this from last fall. Well, I'm officially in the middle of tech for Snapshots: Life in the City. We open in 3 days. The good thing is that there is now sheet music. Although I'd like to point out that as of Tuesday, the cast was still learning music. And blocking. And lines. And choreography. I suppose maybe that's typical of musicals, but it makes it different when the cast is made up of 14 people (most under the age of 26) who don't like to show up on time. Its definitely going to be interesting show.

Also, I'm trying really hard not to get sucked into the negativity vortex that is the History Theatre, but I fear it may be too late. I'm starting to get really crabby at work. Here's a few reasons why: I have to fire a gun in the show. An 8mm semi automatic gun that fires blanks. I'm kinda excited about this, but nervous. I've never used a gun before. On top of that, the gun doesn't seem to be working properly. It always jams after one shot....I'm supposed to fire off 7. So I've never been able to do the whole sequence, which is frustrating. Additionally, there is only one person who seems really intent on helping me with this. Being completely understanding and answers all my questions and offers help. Is it the tech director? NO. Is the the stage manager? NO. Is it the props mater? NO. It's the master electrician. Last I checked guns weren't electircal, so it's not his job, but I'm grateful for his help anyway.
Reason #2 for crabbiness: Yesterday my SM asked me if I had paperwork for her. Usually I turn in paperwork on opening day since we're making changes up until then. But she said she just needed to make sure I had it and was doing it. Now some of you may not know about my anal tendencey of updating paperwork every 2 hours during shows. I kinda take pride in the fact that my paperwork is so organized and now my SM needs to check up on me??? This, by the way, is the SM who I have had to call to make sure she was awake for the morning matinees last year. Ok...now that I've ranted, I'm over it.
Well, I'm off to rehearsal. Next time I post the show will be open and perhaps I'll have a list of things I like about it!

Weird Kid story #2

2006-03-06T10:11:00.000-06:00

I called Marshall Fields this weekend to get the schedule that came out on Friday. ( I went in on Friday to get it but it wasn't done yet which is a whole other annoyance). When I called, I asked to be transferred to men's because there are usually more people in that department than home...So if it was by some miracle busy the men's people would more likely answer. Big mistake....Huge! Weird kid answers. As soon as I heard his voice on the other end I knew that this was going to be a struggle. I knew that getting to him to look in the binder right next to phone and tell me if my name was on the schedule was going to be difficult. Here's how it went:
"Men's, can I help you?"
"Hi Jake it's Shannon O'Brien"
"Uuhhhh...huh?"
"I work with you."
"Oh yeah, hi"
"I was hoping you could tell me my schedule for the next week,"
SILENCE
"You know Jake the one that just came out."
"Which one that just came out?"
"It'll have the dates March 12-18 on it."
"Oh yeah, its out"
SILENCE. For Pete's sake...
"Am I on it?"
"For MArch 12th?"
"Well, I suppose Jake, for March 12th...and the rest of the week."
"Yeah, you're on it."
PAUSE. At this point I'm thinking about hanging up and trying the people in Home.
"When am I on it Jake?"
"You're on it 3 times."
"Could you tell me when those are?"
"Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday."
"Are there any times listed there Jake?"
"Oh yeah......."
Here is when Jake FINALLY gives me my schedule.

I knew it would be a struggle and I was right. Poor Jake. I think he has some processing issues.
That was another story brought to you by Weird Kid!

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

2006-03-01T16:10:00.000-06:00

I hosted a dinner party last week and it was fairly successful. My friend Rae and I decided that we'd cook dinner for our friend Matt. Matt has hosted many dinner parties (including one that resulted in at least one case of alcohol poisoning) and we thought it was about time to return the favor. Since he bought cook books for his friends for Christmas, we knew we'd be able to find something. The party-goers included Matt, Jean, my mom, Rae's mom, Rae, and me. There was lots of wine, lots of food, and lot and LOTS of laughter.

The Menu:
-antipasto salad including garlic stuffed olives, marinated garbonzo beans, and mushrooms (among other things)
-Tuscan Tortellini Soup (soooo easy to make and it looks like it took hours)
-chicken parmigiana with seared polenta and braised artichokes (that were too lemony)
-gingered shortcake with dried figs and cherries with whipped cream
-pinot noir, sauvignon blanc, chardonnay, champagne

The food was all pretty tasty and none of it was too difficult to make. Rachels mom is drunk after 1/2 a glass of wine which made the night even better. Matt said, "You need to come to all of my dinner parties to make them more fun!" She was hilarious. While Rae and I were making dessert, she made Matt hold a "Napkin Folding Class.

Notice the bottles and wine glasses...so much drinking!

Other random pics....

Jeanie & Matt (I think that's what Matt called her when he was drunk at the bar later that night...that's right we still went to TSB night after all this!)

I look like shit because I'd been cooking for 4 hours at this point!

I have no idea what prompted this...Jean looks a bit confused too.

But, why not join it??? Drunk Michelle added a whole new element.

Well, that was the night...
We had a ton of fun and I can't wait to do it again!!!!

The New Kid aka Weird Kid

2006-02-28T22:07:00.000-06:00

There’s a new kid at work….in the men’s department at Marshall Fields. As Jean once pointed out, “no one likes the new kid”. And boy is that ever true. One of my co-workers calls him “Our boy Jake!” And that’s just what he is…our boy Jake.

I was Jake’s first trainer, and I didn’t particularly enjoy those 5 hours of my life. But I thought perhaps it was because I wasn’t feeling well. It was one day early February and I had a horrible cold. I wanted to go home early, but instead, my manager comes up to me and says, “This is Jake. It’s his first day. You’ll be training him.” I took one look at Jake in his pleated khakis, wrinkled short-sleeved button-down shirt, and tie with fish on it (I was later informed that he purchased it at Savers and that it was Italian silk) and I thought, “Great!” During the day I found out that his lifelong dream (keep in mind he’s only 22) is to make Pet Cemetary 3. “Cuz they’re the best movies ever made right?” Sure Jake…sure. Jake also wondered if Marshall Field’s would be open to a few suggestions on how they should display things and remodel the store. Sure Jake. You’ve worked here for about 3 ½ hours now, I’m sure corporate will really appreciate your observations and suggestions. Jake also “wasn’t comfortable” opening the registers in the morning. He didn’t want that kind of pressure…never mind that opening and closing registers is a basic function of working at a retail store. Jake has never worked retail before.

Well since then everyone has gotten the impression that Jake is a bit odd. That’s an understatement. I love Goodwill shopping as much as the next guy, but I don’t run around saying that I buy everything there. Nor do I lurk about staring at people from behind the racks. I also don’t have 30,000 suggestion on how to make the retail world better even though I’ve worked retail for at least 6-7 years of my life. But tonight….tonight was the clincher.

I was closing with weird kid….my chosen name for him…and I just had a bad feeling. I went up to the guys in the Home department to whine. They asked, “how bad can he be?” Well a few minutes later, I found out how bad. I folding some Polo Khakis and weird kid comes up to me and says,
     “Ya know, you can always tell the people who have been shot.”
     “What???”
     “You can always tell the ones who have been shot.”
     “You mean like…with a gun?
     “Yeah. Something happens to them when they bleed. It changes them.”
     “Ummm….ok.”
That’s how bad he can be!!!!! He’s talking about people getting shot! That’s creepy. That’s weird! That’s why he’s weird kid. I went back and told the guys in Home. They were weirded out too. I think weird kid has gone a bit too far. But, then again, maybe he’s just living up to his name.

I'm Baaack!

2006-02-22T15:25:00.000-06:00

I'm back in good old Minnesota. Luckily I missed the ridiculous cold snap here where the high didn't even reach ZERO on some days!!! But I was suffering through southern California's cold snap where the highs were only in the 50's. I was loving it but people were seriously wearing scarves and mittens and parkas!!! I mocked them all.

It was a very relaxing trip. Not as activity filled as last time, which was nice. I got to spend a lot of time cuddling on the couch with Henry and watching movies. I loved it!!! We played some pool, I dominated Henry with my dominoes skills, and I ate some really great "mom made" Japanese food. However, I'm sad to report that I have lost some of my skee ball skills. I definitely didn't bring my "A" game to Cali with me :(

We did manage to get off the couch a few times. We went to the LA Zoo.
Ummm...how adorable!______Sleepy Koala

This ram did sort of an Elvis lip thing.

I'm a Wallaby!

We also went to Universal Studios.

I made friends with a dinosaur.

And saw the plane wreck from War of the Worlds.

Henry also took me to the Corona del Mar Tide Pools.

The water was pretty cold, but I found lots of sea anenomes and crabs.

It was so pretty...kinda didn't want to leave!

Corona del Mar with the tide coming in.

It really was a a great relaxing trip.

Lots of good food, couch cuddling, and sites...can't wait to go back again!

The Discovery Channel in My Backyard

2006-02-05T17:25:00.000-06:00

Last week I witnessed a little piece of nature. More specifically, I saw survival of the fittest up close and personal. While on the phone looking out at my backyard I noticed a large bird. Too big to be an ordinary sparrow, I thought it must be a hawk, but a small one. This lil guy probably got made fun of at hawk school cuz he's so small.
He was a shy hawk so I had trouble getting him to pose for the camera.
I think to myself, "gee usually hawks are up high so they can look for prey. I wonder why this one is on the ground?"

Then I see him do something similar to this:

Yup...he was on the ground because he was eating. I couldn't tell what he was eating, but he was ripping something apart and enjoying quite the snack. At one point something long and grisly was dangling from the side of his beak.
"Umm sir, you've got a little something hanging there...No, other side...almost gone...there you got it."

I decided to go outside very quietly to try to get a better picture of him. All I came up with was this:

As I started getting closer, he flew away, but then I was able to see what was left of his snack. Just a pile of feathers...no bones, hardly any blood. Just feathers. Gross.

He came back later in the afternoon and hung out in the backyard. I'm sure he was looking for more tasty morsels, but the birds in the area had learned their lesson. However, after watching all of this, I was inspired to buy these:

Cold Germs Can Kiss My Ass

2006-01-24T12:41:00.000-06:00

I know that Jean says she never gets sick, but I'm pretty much the opposite. I get minor colds all the time. My friend Matt and I always know that we're both gonna get the "knock your ass out" cold in the the middle of December. It's a tradition we've had since high school. This year, mine happened one week before the holidays and I even went home early from work one night...something I don't think I've ever done before. But with rest and Zicam it went away quicker than normal (my colds usually last almost 2 weeks).

Well, yesterday I woke up with a sore throat. I knew it was coming back for more. The cold virus is back for revenge since I sent it packing so quickly last month. Well screw you cold! Screw the sore throat, coughing, stuffiness, and slight fever. The Zicam and DayQuil will take care of you again...I hope. But damn I don't wanna go to work tonight!

David want to follow me around with Lysol?

Mr. Green Jeans

2006-01-20T17:42:00.000-06:00

Mr. Green Jeans is back...and I'm not talking about Captain Kangaroo's sidekick.

Not too many people will understand why I'm writing about Mr. Green Jeans. Let me give you a brief history: Mr. Green Jeans is the nickname of a man who used to (presumebaly still does) attend theatre performances at Winona State. He would always get his ticket early. He always wore green pants and a reddish orange jacket. He also has a toupee...i think...at least I hope its a toupee. At the end of the show while everyone is in the lobby, he would great the actors. If he really like your performance, he would give you some foreign currency. Somewhere I have a bill from Jamaica when he came to see Naked. Ryan do you have yours still? JMo doesn't really remember him.

Well last year I saw this man in the lobby at the history theatre...I couldn't believe it!!! Mr. Green Jeans is following me! I called JMo and told him....he couldn't really remember seeing Mr. Green Jeans at WSU shows recently. But, nonetheless Mr. Green Jeans makes the trip to Saint Paul. Over headset last night, my stage manager told me he was in the audience again...I think he's seen every show since I've been there. The people at the History Theatre call him Weird Pants Guy. He always sits in the front row, same seat. Gets there very early and examines the program, and he leaves quickly too. The box office ladies told me he always pays cash and won't give his name or his address.

So...who is Mr. Green Jeans? Where is he from? What other theatres does he go to? What does he do for work? And were did he get his amazingly green pants? Mr. Green Jeans, you are an enigma.

We either need to leave or get drunk...

2006-01-20T17:17:00.000-06:00

That's what Matt said after about 15 minutes at the MMC last night. During the course of the evening we learned about strangers favorite positions, reaffirmed that slit means slut (and the clap/crabs), and that RAGGSberry Kamis can taste like vile cough syrup if not properly mixed.

The plan was to go for a few drinks and leave anyway, but after we walked in...We knew it would turn into more than that! The first person I see sitting on the rail (next to the only available seats) is none other than Slutzilla. That's right...She's baaaack! Let me just tell you how I excited I was to see here again. Sensei Matt, you missed it...Wish you could have met her. Now, Slutzilla on her own would have been enough, but she had a friend with her. A friend who was VERY loud, who thought she was flirting with the nasty men, and who walked like a stripper...Not that I have anything against strippers. Her friend's name is Mufasa. Ooooh say it again....Mufasa! This is because she had a lion mane on her head. A yellow highlight/black lowlight chunky streaked lion mane right on the top of her head that she kept fluffing both on and off the dance floor. Mufasa! She was pretty much going down on this older man on the dance floor. I vomited a little bit in my mouth. Sadly, it wasn't the first time that night that I was tempted to do so.

Another regular (lets just say he's danced with Rae a lot) was standing behind me at one point and I hear him yell; "Oh yeah....Reverse cowboy! I love that!" ummm gross. We don't need to talk about our favorite positions across the bar. Besides, I'm pretty sure you meant reverse cowGIRL unless there's something we don't know about you. I think we finally have a nickname for you sir!

Jean, some boring details for you: Elvis still sits prominently displayed on the monitors as he should be. However, I wish that we could have toasted Wilson Pickett during Mustang Sally, but perhaps Tony didn't know he died yesterday. Speaking of Tony, he learned that his antioxidents are low....What??? Do people under 50 need to worry about that? I guess so. More fruit (raspberry kamis) and vegetables (tobacco is a plant!) for Tony!

An Open Letter to the Sandman

2006-01-11T12:30:00.000-06:00

Dear Mr. Sandman,

I'm writing in regards to the lack of good sleep I've been getting lately. I'm not sure if you're working solo still or if you've expanded your operations to include individual departments. If that is the case, please pass this on to your Dream Subsidiary.

Now Mr. Sandman, I appreciate that we all have a job to do, but if you or dream affiliate could please move on from the upstairs bedroom of 1274 I would be ever so thankful. If you are contractually obligated to remain in the attic bedroom, then I have a few requests; I could do without the dreams depicting me killing (in some form or another) my family members...particularly my mother. I'm pretty sure she's done nothing to upset you recently. I would also sleep more soundly if you'd stop trying to ruin my upcoming vacation to California. On more than one occasion you've stopped the plane from taking off. And this last time...pretending to have Henry call the pilot and tell him to cancel the flight...well that was just mean.

I know it may seem like I'm just negatively criticizing your work, so let me follow up with a compliment. I do appreciate some of the dreams I've had lately...I will say that your choice of men in my dreams have been a bit odd, but they've been nice nonetheless. Thanks for making sure one particular (non pocket T shirt wearing) gentleman saved me from violent thieves and tucked me into bed, and for letting me meet someone I vaguely know at that concert and taking me home. I hope you don't mind me making one more little suggestion: when you're leaving, the 4th stair down squeaks. If you could avoid so as to not wake me up before the good part of these dreams, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Again Mr. Sandman, I understand that you're just doing your job. However, in order to do my job, I need some more sleep. Preferably sleep that isn't fraught with disturbing dreams...those other dreams though? You can keep them coming. Take care, and sweet dreams.

Sincerely,
Shannon

movie madness

2006-01-05T11:17:00.000-06:00

Sure I'm excited about The Da Vinci Code (after devouring the books how could i not be?), The Pink Panther (Steve Martin will be hilarious!), The Libertine (Johnny Depp playing a nasty 18th century playwright...i love it!) but what I'm most excited about is this:

Lance you know what I'm talking about! After the dreams i had after the first one....whew! Its gonna be a long wait! May 26!?! Marvel you're killing me!

holiday picture post

2006-01-04T10:29:00.000-06:00

I'm a little behind the times. So here's the holiday extravaganza post. Apparently I didn't use my camera too much cuz I don't have nearly as many pics as other people have. In fact I don't have any from when David was here or from the TSB night with Chad's birthday woman. But anyway, the holidays were good. Low key Christmas upbeat and fun New Years with some good and bad moments in between...pretty standard in many ways I suppose. The nice things was that I hung with with old friends and new friends. Glad to say that the new years spent with Chad, Chris, and Matt was probably one of the best new years I've ever had...thanks new friends! But before I get to all that....

I also spent a day with Ryan doing "St. Pauly things": Mickeys, ice skating, Candy Land...

Ryan cried at Mickey's because they ate there in the Mighty Ducks... a movie that always makes him tear up.

Then we went skating...we didn't fall down once!

But I learned a trick!

So did Ryan.

No one likes a showoff!

NEW YEARS EVE

Jean and I were showing our sexy stockings and this creepy pregnant man loved it!

Then there was this creepy moment...just kidding Chris! It was hot!

Rachel was Bob Fosse & Matt was goldilocks...or Shylock

The painful and awkward morning after....hello 2006!

Disturbing Behavior

2005-12-23T22:41:00.000-06:00

So I don't know how it came up, but Jean, Mateo, and I were discussing mother birds and how they feed their babies. I think it's kinda gross. "Here honey. I know you can't chew this so I'm gonna chew it for you and spit it into your mouth. Don't I take such good care of you?" Bird moms are weird. Eeew.

I've Outdone Myself Again!

2005-12-19T22:40:00.000-06:00

Well folks, the Chirstmas baking season has begun. For those of you who don't know, this time of year I go into cookie baking mode. On my few days off this season I become a one woman cookie factory. Today, for example, I made approxiamately 140 cookies. They are all delicious...they were even more delicious as dough before I baked 'em. What??? I had to make sure they tasted ok, right?

I made my usual (and slightly famous) peanut butter cookies. Some of them had Reeses Bells on them....it didn't work out so pretty...the bells kinda melted funny. But damn they're tasty! I also made oatmeal raisin cookies for my mom cuz they're her favorite. A man once told me he'd marry a girl if she could make the perfect oatmeal raisin cookie. Well, I'm not that girl...they're ok, but not spectacular. But the crowning achievement of the day were the white chocolate chip cranberry cookies. They are to die for for. They take the cake....or cookie. Fuckin delicious! I've outdone myself again! And I predict that Jean eats 27 of them between Wednesday and Thursday while she's here.

Pictured from Left: white chocolate chip cranberry, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin.

Tomorrow I'll be making malted chocolate chip cookies...then I think I'll be calling it quits...unless I make more of the cranberry ones....God they're good!

PS- I realized something today. I was standing in the kitchen, mixing dough while a load of laundry was in the dryer and another load was waiting to be folded...and I was crocheting a scarf while waiting for the cookie timer to go off. How domestic am I today? The clincher???? I was barefoot...barefoot doing laundry, crocheting, and baking....if only I were pregnant in a trailor!

Reasons Why I Was a Great Older Sister

2005-12-19T10:11:00.000-06:00

Well, Jean's comment on my list suggested that I write about a few more things. When I was a kid my little brother and I were sorta close. There weren't too many kids in our neighborhood early on, so sometimes I made up little games. One game was "what can I get Patrick to believe?" Here's some things I convinced him were true:

-That we won him at the state fair. More specifically at the balloon popping/dart game. Naturally we traded up for him. You don't win such a large prize right away. You have to go through the giant come, ugly teddy bear with crooked eyes, and life size Scooby-Doo first. Then you get yourself a baby brother. He was convinced and he cried.

-I told him that when he scratched his head he was actually touching his brain. Not sure how I came up with that one but it worked like a charm. I had him convinced that there was no skull at the top of your head...just scalp. So when he was touching the top of his head he was actually poking his brain.

-once he asked me what his pancreas was and where it was. I told him it was in his knee (i think that's what I said). He stared at his knee for quite some time that day.

-i told him that cottage cheese felt like you were chewing fish eyes (really that's how i feel). He still can't eat cottage cheese to this day.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure I scarred him in other ways too, just can't remember...after all it was just a game! God being a big sister was great!

Can I actually come up with 15 things?

2005-12-17T10:17:00.000-06:00

1. I always try to wear matching bra and panties. (1a: I hate the word panties). I'm not sure why I want to match them since no one sees me in my underwear on a regualr basis. But sometimes I think, for example, that if I end up in the emergency room or something, people might notice.

2. I hate myself for not being able to drive. When I'm in a car I look around at all people driving and hate them for their lack of fear.

3. When I was born I had a birth mark, but it faded when I was a kid and is no longer visible. It was a purpleish star shape on my butt.

4. I have a small mole on my left arm shaped like West Virginia.

5. I dance backstage to the music of every show I've worked on...one good thing about Christmas of Swing...good music for dancin'.

6. One of my favorite movie is Gone With the Wind

7. I envy thin women, but I don't want to be as thin as them. I'm jealous of their metabolism, but I like being a curvy woman.

8. I never read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in high school when I was supposed to. When my favorite teacher told me he was disappointed that I hadn't read it...I cried.

9. I like turbulance when I'm flying...especially that quick movement that feels funny in your lower abdomen. Ryan do you remember..."That was a good one!" whenever we'd fly?

10. I could spend jail time in Texas or Alabama for some things I own.

11. I used to love writing poetry but stopped because I thought they weren't any good and because someone once agreed with me when I said that.

12. I don't want a diamond engagement ring

13. When I was a kid and we used to go camping I refused to use the outhouses near our campsites. I would walk (even in he middle of the night) all the way to the flush toilets in the campground. I was scared a daddy long legs was going to crawl on my or that something would bite my butt.

14. My favorite word is salsa. It's like a party in your mouth!

15. In college I was really proud to be one of the only girls who really worked. It was always me and the guys hanging all the lights and climbing ladders and using tools. I loved working strike and being one of the few women who could use power tools and carry the heavy things. Girl techies are awesome!

All I Want for Christmas

2005-12-13T19:25:00.000-06:00

It just won't be Christmas without these special things under the tree...

A nice wicker sofa for relaxing winter days.

This lovely flamingo Christmas sweater.

I've always wanted a cute puppy to play with

Now, if I had this I wouldn't have to
work out nearly as often.

How handy is this?!?!? A blender and a phone???
All in one?? I can make smoothies and talk one the
phone at the same time!!!! How perfect!

That's what I want people! 12 shopping days left!

Feelin Good

2005-12-06T13:10:00.000-06:00

I've had my fitness DVDs for 5 days now. I've worked out 3 times and am feeling pretty good about it. This may not sound like much to those of you who work out often, but this is good for me. I've stuck to the schedule I've laid out for myself and while it hasn't even been a week yet, I've done well. I've been eating well without denying myself anything. I know that if I "diet" I won't stick to it. So, if I want ice cream, I have it...but only one small scoop instead of the Lalapalooza size portion I may desire. But cereal & fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch, a healthy dinner and I'm feeling pretty good. It's gonna get harder with my fucked up work schedule, but I'll do my best to be healthy when I have to eat out too.
Kickboxing is hard...a little fast for me still, but I'll get it. The aerobics "female Fat Zones" is awesome...nice mix or arms, abs, and legs using weights and the ball. My abs hurt and I love it!!!

Smokey Jr. meets Smokey D

2005-12-06T12:58:00.000-06:00

So, Jean, just to update you on the goings on at the MMC last week:
Smokey Jr. (Dan from Fuji Ya) joined us. I have a feeling he'll be back. The wine drinkers eat at Fuji Ya often and told Dan he had a twin, so Matt and I got him to meet us at the MMC after work. He and Smokey met and think they look nothing alike. Sorry guys...we're not trying to pigeon hole you or anything, but you do look pretty similar! But anyway, Matt, Rae, Dan, and the wine drinkers spent the night drinking and dancing. A lot of drinking and dancing. The wine drinkers bought us shots and dragged on the dance floor. Mr. Wine Drinker was spinning me around like crazy...it was fun...until he tried to make me dance with George. Now George (with his cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve a la The Outsiders) is a great dancer. Very talented, but a little creepy. After Rae danced with him a few times he started asking her out and stuff...and he was more than a little grabby with the other dancers last week. I thought it best for me not to dance with him given I can't dance and don't want to be groped by George.
But Jean, it was a good night. The band was great, the cigarettes (I'm ashamed) were a welcomed addition, and there were encores aplenty. Tony once again reminded me that he erads the blogs and as he gave me the "rock star hug" (the hug given to groupies) he told me to "keep rockin' baby". I will Tony, I will.

Blogging potpourri

2005-11-29T22:11:00.000-06:00

So I haven't written in a while...things have been a bit busy and I haven't really had the desire to write, though there have been plenty of things to write about. So, here's a quick review of blog worthy events, thoughts, and ramblings...

Thanksgiving:
It was one of the best I can remember having. Mom, brother, Jean and I spent a day of cooking, eating, a gaming. Jean and I totally kicked ass (not really, but we still won) at Cranium. If you're ever playing charades, pray to God that Jean isn't on your team. Even she blames herself for our initial suckiness. The food was great. I once reclaimed my title of Best Mashed Potatoes, and Jean will confirm that "I've outdone myself again". They were fucking delicious. Dinner was followed up by naps, pie, and a night of Tony Sims. Jean has pictures of the Thanksgiving Whore that we met at the MMC that night. She also has pictures of the man who danced with the mentally challenged woman. These drunk people had this poor woman out on the dance floor whipping her about...I hope she was having fun cuz she mostly looked confused. After dancing off and 1/8 of what we ate, it was time to head home and put Thanksgiving to bed.

Working retail the weekend after Thanksgiving:
Black Friday wasn't too bad for me. I lucked out and only had to work for 3 1/2 hours at Marshall Fields. It was pretty busy, but nothing horrific. Sunday night however, was a night from hell. Our thanksgiving sale (including doorbusters) extended thru Sunday. But the company didn't take that into consideration when scheduling. There were 2 of us...its a big department (bed & bath, china, housewares). The woman I worked with spent more time shopping than working. The customers were bitches and there were coupons involved. Coupons are never good. They make people CRAZY! I spent the whole night explaining that we were out of some things that were on such a great sale (Gee...you wait until the last hour of the busiest shopping weekend of the year and expect everything to be in stock?!?!). I had to tell 3 people over the phone that I couldn't take coupons over the phone...especially not for the $300 luggage purchase over the phone. If you can't manage to make it here over the course of the last 3 days, you don't deserve the sale...you're not a good shopper. And no I will not hold these items until Wednesday because you're in Texas for Thanksgiving. Ma'am you're actually calling me from Texas on your cell phone while you're supposed to be with your family! No! So yeah...I love retail! And I'm going to continue to love it for the next 4 weeks!

Being Fat:
Well, long story short, I'm done being fat. At least that's what I'm thinking now. I've sadly already begun the holiday weight gain trend and I'm going to try to nip it in the bud early...perhaps even work off last years holiday pounds. That's why (as of Friday's mail delivery) I will be the proud owner of a cardio kick boxing DVD (sure to knock my ass out) and a "Female Fat Zones" Aerobics tape designed to "help with those trouble areas of tummy, butt, hips, and arms". That DVD has no idea how much work it has ahead of it. These DVDs are in lieu of joining a gym which I realistically have neither the time nor the money for. Of course, when talking to a friend about my weight concerns (looking for advice) he tells me to "stop making excises and feeling sorry for myself". What a motivational tool! An asshole man telling me to stop whining and just lose the weight. But that's ok...I'm over it. And I'll show him by (hopefully) being in better shape by February without whining at all between now and then. Warning: Jean and Ryan, that means you're gonna get the brunt of my pain and frustration.

Well, other than that, not much else. Christmas of Swing opened at the History Theatre last weekend, and so far so good. Jean, Matt, and Chad saw it opening night...glad you all enjoyed it. Matt, I'm still waiting for that cake. Look forward to mare entries about annoying actors and gay men backstage saying things like "Shannon I want to show you something" and then unzipping their pants. God I love my job sometimes!

I'm a Duo Celebrity

2005-11-16T11:42:00.000-06:00

This one is mostly for Chad and Ryan (does Chad even read this?) but Jean and Lance will be amused as well perhaps.
Last night I'm working at Marshall Fields, otherwise known and the joy of my existance, and I'm working in the Men's Department. I'm straigtening ties (something that sort gives me an odd satisfaction) and a woman wanders into the area.

"Can I help you find anything specific ma'am?"
"Well, I'm looking for ties for my son. He's on the speech team."

Ahh yes, High School speech team. Mom buys ties for son.

"Oh, that's great! I was on the speech team in high school and college."
"In college? Wow! what events did you do?"
"Oh, a little bit of everything."
"Well my son is in Duo. He and his partner went shopping this weekend to pick out shirts that would match. Now I'm looking for ties."

I was in heaven! Picking out ties for Duo partners? This is one of my gifts....right Ryan?

"So did you and your partner match your suits?"

Did we ever! Best dressed duo in the state (no offense Chad)

"Yes, ma'am we did. His ties matched my suit, our shirts coordinated...we matched."
"So how did you do? Were you good?"

This one sort of surpirsed me. Does it matter? It was years ago. My forensic skills do not affect my tie matching skills.

"Well, we were pretty good. We were statechampions twice and won some national awards too."
"Really? Oh my! That's wonderful. And I bet its so much harder in college! Oh gosh....my son will be so excited that a state dup champion was helping pick out his ties! Oh this is just wonderful! I can't wait to tell him. A state champion!"

I think this woman was more excited that when we won the state tourney! She was so crazy about it...it was pretty funny. So yeah. I must admit that it was kinda fun picking out ties with her for a duo team. They got some nice Kenneth Cole ties to go with a great Geoffrey Beene shirt. Kinda brought me back. But man, was she ever excited! I'm gonna be a minor celebrity to the Eagan Speech Team. Good luck Eagan!

Brunch Just Got Gayer

2005-11-14T12:10:00.000-06:00

Matt, Mom, and I went out for brunch yesterday. So many people I know have been raving about brunch at Dixies on Grand, so we decided to go. First of all, don’t believe anything you hear about said brunch. It was not $15.00 for the buffet and all you can drink mimosas. Instead it was $19.00 for the buffet and .50 mimosas. The desserts left something to be desired…I desired better desserts.

After we sat at our table, our waiter pranced up to us and offered us drinks and invited us to start the buffet. Sir, you clearly don’t know me…I do not need to be invited to start a buffet. While we were all working on our food, Colin (our waiter/ess) asked if we wanted biscuits…sure…who am I to turn away a biscuit? 10 minutes later, the server for the table next to us offered her table caramel rolls. What? There are caramel rolls? Colin!!! Where is my caramel roll? My mother says, “Maybe you don’t look like a caramel roll kind of girl.” Excuse me? If I don’t look like a caramel roll kind of girl then I don’t know what I look like. And if Colin can’t see that, then maybe we can’t be friends.

Let me explain that Colin and I could easily be friends. He’s perhaps one of the gayest waiters I’ve ever seen…even Matt was calling him “miss” and “waitress”. Just by looking at me, he should have known that I’m a “metabolically challenged girl with an abysmal self-esteem” and therefore the perfect friend for a gay man, but no. Colin did not see this and brought me no caramel rolls…nor did he offer me sparkling apple cider, like he offered other tables. Colin it’s over.

So that was brunch…on the plus side, the rest of the food was pretty decent and there was a chocolate fountain. I didn't dip myself in the fountain, but I did think about it.

Boys Come From the Stupid Factory

2005-11-14T12:00:00.000-06:00

So we now know that Colin disappointed me, but I’ve come to the conclusion that in the last week, most of the men in my life have completely sucked. If you are a man who has not annoyed me, then I apologize for the sweeping generalizations that are about to follow.

In the last week I have been through the following things:

- after telling someone I got them the perfect gift, he killed my high by telling me that he can’t get me anything and that I should just hold off on giving the gift.
- when I told the potential recipient that I was upset about his reaction, I ended up apologizing for being upset regarding the above incident.
- I have been woken up at 3am by a phone call from an excited guy
- more than once I have been reduced to a sniffling crying girl
- I have been woken up at 6am by a phone call from a scared boy
- I have been snapped at for being worried about someone’s well-being despite have just cause
- I have been ignored when I wanted to talk about things
- when I didn’t have things to talk about I felt like I was disappointing the person who asked
- phone calls have not been returned
- I have decided that men generally suck and that I should try not to be angry at them for it…instead I should ignore it until they come around.

Once again, I apologize for any unfair generalizations or accusations, I'm just a bit frustrated with the...frustrating sex. A HUGE thank you to the boy who apologized and made me feel better about situations 1-3.

Good-Bye Denny & My fav pics C-Lover

2005-11-09T23:00:00.000-06:00

This is dual purpose entry...

I was supposed to write about last week's Tony Sims Night:
Auntie Di was up from Illinois and she LOVED it! Bought herself a CD (And by bought herself, I mean my mom gave me money and told me to go get it. And Smokey and Ryan actually thought it was for me....no sirs I have owned my copy for over a year now.) So yeah, she loved it. In fact, I think she said they were one of the best bands she's heard in a while...though I'm not too sure how often auntie di goes to bars checking out bands. She was amazed at Tony's leg action (really...how does his leg not fall off during How Long???). She loved Dave's acoustic set...as I promised she would, and was amused by all the crazy dancers. How could she not be amused? I mean when two guys go hit on women on the dance floor and get turned down...that's funny...sad but funny. Its even better when Dave calls them out on it: "Its ok guys. Even the best of us get shot down sometimes". Not nice Dave...hilarious, but not nice.
A few other things...Ryan what's with the perm look...a haircut may be in order. I just got one today if you need a recommendation. And btw- if you want people to notice you, where bright colors...it worked for Poncho. And you looked extra angry last week during some songs...mabe its cuz Tony was making fun of the perm. Dave- why were you grabbing at Smokey's crotch? I'm sure you were trying to get him to move his leg like tony, but it looked like a crotch grab. And Smokey, thanks for singing "here comes my bum" and grabbing your ass, that might be a nice addition to the acoustic set.
And finally- A great big tearfilled goodbye to Denny aka Mark. I guess Dave has had enough. Your musical stylings to Heart of the Matter were just too much for him. And I can understand...after all, that's some hard talent to share a stage with. Have no fear though. I have every confidence that Ryan and Smokey will fill in for you to the best of their abilities. It just won't be the same though without your screaming and fleecey musicnote scarf. We will miss you.
MY FAVORITE PICS WITH MY FAVORITE RYAN
Jean sent us all the pics from our fabulous fall walk, and while I was looking at them I found discovered my two new favorite pics of Ryan and I. I know its cheesey, but they really capture two important sides of our friendship and they're so candid and perfect. Thanks for snapping them Jean! I love ya Ryan!

Too Sexy

2005-11-03T14:37:00.000-06:00

Ok...I wasn't going to blog these, but Jean keeps asking about them, so here they are. There was one night at the MMC during a long set break (what a suprise) that we got bored and took about 312 pictures of ourselves...here's a few.

TOO SEXY!!!

Fall Weekend of Fun

2005-11-03T11:49:00.000-06:00

It was Jean and Shannon's Fall Weekend of fun and we all had a great time. The weather was perfect on Monday. We had great food and multiple desserts at Cafe Latte (Where the hell is the Blue Moon Reisling???) Watched a shitty French horror movie (yes Ryan, it is still necrophilia if its only oral sex), and went to the Trail of Terror. (BTW David, I have finally regained hearing in my right ear after the screaming...and thanks for holding me when I was scrared!)

Most of the pictures were on Jean's camera, so I don't have too many. but these are from the beautiful fall walk we went on...

It seems like such a sweet innocent activity...

Until someone finds a stick.

Ok Mr. I'm an Abercrombie model...why are all of your clothes on?

Are we trying to be sexy? Are we matching? Did we make Shannon puthe?

The most beautiful thing I saw all weekend.

Awwww!

Ok, I didn't have any pictures from the haunted house, so this is the scariest picture I have. Boo!

Thursday is Poncho night

2005-10-26T10:23:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I know this is a little late, but after reading Jean's entry, I wasn't sure it was necessary. But then I remembered our agreement...Speaking of that...Matt and Chad, what's up??? You're slower that I am!

As you may have read from Jean's blog, Chad and Matt (Jean's Matt, not my Matt) joined us at the MMC last week. Matt was convinced he'd met me before...pretty sure not. BUT he went to Harding too...granted he graduated a bit earlier that Matty and I, but it was funny to hear about how many teachers were there when he was a student that we also had. Oh Harding....

The boys were fun dancers. Now, now offense to Matty (my matt) but its nice to have other people to dance with. Boys who will spin you and try to dip you, and dance like crazy white boys. Of course some of this could have been due to Chad's amusing inebriation. Don't apologize Chad! I love you drunk...you're great. Hugging and kissing my mom, ordering more beer, dancing, and talking about AFA...it's great...you should be drunk Chad around me more often! Though I enjoy regular Chad too. Basically, since you don't have class Friday's, you and Jean shold come up together more often. Then you can see Ryan the real drummer. (Not that we didn't enjoy Poncho and his large hair!)

So yeah...Jean pretty much caught us up on everything else...Ryan Senechal come back! Chad and Matt come back! Wonka Boob come back! Side boob...it won't be necessary for you to come back.

Working hard for the money

2005-10-21T23:04:00.000-05:00

So this is gonna be kinda rambling....
I promise I'll get to the latest Tony Sims blog soon, but I need to vent about this....not that anyone but Ryan and Jean read it.....

Today is October 21. I worked a 13 hour day today. I'm tired. I thought I had Monday off. I've been looking forward to Monday. I was wrong. I do not have Monday off. I'm crabby about this. I'm working 1 if not 2 jobs everyday for the next 12 days. Then, I have 2 days off, but they are going to be packed with "Jean and Shannon's Fall weekend of fun". Now I'm absolutely looking forward to those two days, but yo ucan undersand how they aren't gonna be relaxing days off. (Ryan we need a nap day so bad!!!!!) So really, the next time I have an actual DAY OFF is Thursday November 3rd. As it is, I've not had a day of since October 12th. That's too long! Granted, some of those days were only 4 hour shift, but the majority of them were 8-12 hour days! Even though none of the jobs pay too well, I shouldn't complain. I have made enough to pay off my credit cards, pay extra on my student loans, and start saving some money again, but I'm tired. And more so, I'm tired of having 3 jobs (2 of which I really like) and still not making a liveable wage. I need to come up with a new career plan...anyone got any ideas???? I'll take 'em!

Ok....crabby "no time off" rant is over. Here's to a work weekend of musical rehearsals, Garrison Keillor, and serving booze! (At least no Marshall Fields til Monday!)

Who needs music for a musical?

2005-10-19T11:30:00.000-05:00

If you were to think about a new musical going into production, what would be one of the first things to come to mind that you'd need for rehearsals? Would it be sheet music? How about a composer? Or a music director who knew the songs? All of these would be good...we have none of these.

I'm assisting in rehearsals for a mini production of Snapshots: Life in the City which will be put on as a full production in February. Its about living in the inner city and most of the stories are written by school kids from St.Paul/Minneapolis. Kinda interesting, kinda cheesey. Grat for schools, but who knows if it'll be a good long run production. So far it seems "after school special-ey". That's the term I'm choosing to use.

So yeah, to the shows credit, the composer isn't even in the country right now, so its hard to consult with him, but no sheet music? These actors are supposed to learn the music without seeing it or having an accurate CD??? A lot of it is sorta jazz/hip hop freestyle, but still you need something to go on. And so often when the director says lets work on the this one, the music director starts playing and then: "Crap. I don't know how that one goes. Shoot! Which one is that?" I couldn't believe it. He's getting paid for this! Needless to say, the rehearsals are frustrating.

So yeah...that's what I'm doing at the History Theatre right now. I guess I can't complain...they're paying me $10 and hour to sit on my butt and make to occasional copy. Why can't they pay me that much when I'm actually working my butt off???

Finally...California pics

2005-10-14T10:39:00.000-05:00

Ok everyone...hold onto your hats! I finally got the rest of my pictures from the trip to California. So, since I won't see some of you in a while, here's the highlights...

Please notice how MN white I am...trust me...there was much teasing.

The Huntington Gardens were beautiful...so many perfect flowers and great art (I know...I'm a dork)

You can almost see LA through all the smog.

Lance! it's your little brother! He was so damn cute...after this picture, he started tugging on another elephants trunk, but we could take another pic in time.

I'm feeding a giraffe!!!! His name was Cosi. His tongue wrapped around my hand when he grabbed the leaves...it felt really funny. I was so excited...like a little kid.

Afterwards, Henry just said, "you are going to wash your hands right?"

The lions were LAZY. But it's kinda funny that they take their cat naps in a Land Rover

At the Aquarium of the Pacific, I touched a lot of things. Like this shark. Please notice the "fat little Asian kid" next to me. That's his name. That little bastard shoved me out of the way to pet the shark just moments before this was taken. Damn fat Asian kids!

And the Bat Rays. They told me that they missed the WSU forensics team!

Once again, I'm a little kid staring at the fishies!

There it is! The end to a great week...god i can't wait to go back!

Mr. Fancy

2005-10-12T16:32:00.000-05:00

Have you seen this man?

I have.

My mom and i were at Pat McGoverns...a great Irish pub in downtown St. Paul for lunch on Sunday. We had a good lunch which also included a not so good bloody mary. But anyway, on with the story. On our way out I was stopped dead in my tracks by the man pictured above.

I know that it is a fairly feeble attempt at an artists rendition of this man (known as Mr. Fancy) but picture this if you will: A 70 year old man dressed in his sunday best. And by sunday best I mean a lycra leotard with a black shirt underneath. You will notice that this leotard is hot pink with balck pinstripes. Pinstripes are "in" this season. I couldn't help but be amazed at this ensemble. I grabbed my mom's arm at did the "clenched mouth whisper" Come. You need to see this. "oh!" That's all she could say..."oh". Oh indeed Mr. Fancy. Oh indeed.

Really...there's nothing more to say other than I wish i had a camera at that moment. The picture would say it all.

Tip me you bastards!

2005-10-08T22:10:00.000-05:00

I've been working at the Fitzgerald Theatre a lot lately. There have been some good concerts in addition to the weekly Garrison Keilor shows. I make pretty decent money once you include the tips. The problem is that the tips range from $15 a night to $120 a night. Now obviously the $120 a night was a once in a lifetime thing. But tonight I realized that the sad $20 a night will be happening more often if the cheap bastards keep coming.

Here's a little lifetime piece of advice: Tip your bartender!!!! You don't even have to tip them much...but tip them! If you order $40.00 worth of mixed drinks (which take a while) and she gives you change including plenty of $1 and even a few quarters...tip her! She'll even settle for the quarters you cheap bastard. Just tip your hand and let those 2 little quarters drop into her cup. Look at all the singles in there! People are tipping her. This isn't a new idea...some people even tip when the just order waters and coffee. So please...tip your bartenders!

I shouldn't complain. Its not like the work is hard and most people tip ok...some people tip really well. Its just the middle aged men in their sports coats and overly made-up wives that don't even give me a quarter that drive me nuts. Though perhaps not as bad as the people who put pennies in my cup. Ma'am if you put one more penny in my cup, I'm spitting in your coffee.

Happy MMC Anniversary

2005-10-03T17:09:00.000-05:00

I'm gonna keep this short since Jean already wrote a rather detailed blog about last Thursday.

But, I just wanted to say that last week was awesome! It was the first time in quite a while that all 4 of us (Matt, Rae, Jean, and I) were all there. Once we got there, we realized that it's been a full year of ladies nights at the MMC. Some people may think it s pretty dorky, but i'm really glad we have this...ya know? It's been a great way for Jean and I to keep seeing each other, and Matt, Rae, and I (the only two peopleI still talkto from the class of 99) to keep hanging out. Plus that people watching is priceless.

So Matt and I walk in to find out that Chris isn't our server...we have a new girl...and we wait 40 minutes for drinks. We also noticed that Dave shaved. Dave...I thought we've discussed this. Ok...you're trying something...see Jean's ideas. But we had some Kamis, danced a bit (despite a bad knee), and made a great deal of fun of The Rave and Wonka Boobs. (I think I actually saw some nipple from Wonka Boobs...I can't even say that about Slutzilla!) Dave sang the "old school acoustic set". That's right...I used the term old school regarding something that's been going on for less than a year. The set included Yesterday (we all know my fondness for that song). Perhaps it was in apology for shaving???

Ultimately, it was a great night. We also have recently found out that TSB wil be playing at the Half Time Rec. For those of you unfamiliar, read up about the time when Rae and I went...it should be fun with TSB!

And Mr. Senechal...I'm glad we can put a smile on your face...we're there for your amusement. Mr. Smokey, I like the haircut, but I'm sorry....you are a man about a hat.

Just in Time For Halloween: Build Your Own Coffin!

2005-10-01T22:47:00.000-05:00

I'm not making this shit up! I saw it on the news...

The North House Folk School in Grand Marais, MN teaches a variety of hippie/woodsy/crafty things. You can learn about herbal medicines, how to make a brick oven, how to make moose-hide mukluks, and how to drive fjord horses. There's also a class for Jean and I (and possibly David) called "Pie: the Lost Art". However, perhaps the most practical class of them all is "Build Your Own Coffin".

That's right! For the low price of $425 with a $250 tuition you can learn how to make your own pine box. To quote the North House Folk School; "None of us are getting out of this alive, so you might as well bury yourself in your work". They will measure you and teach you how to make the box yourself. If you have advanced woodworking skills there will be opportunity to put your skills to use...if you're a beginner, there are people there to help.

Does this seem weird??? The news story said it could be theraputic. I'm not so sure. I am sure this is weird: Until you're ready to put your piece to its intended use, you can use it as "as bookshelves, coffee tables, storage containers and entertainment centers". Ummm, do I really want to store my books or DVDs in something I will be spending eternity in??? I don't think so. But hey, who am I to judge? Just look at this lady! She's ready to store all of her hot dish cookbooks and crochet instruction booklets in this finely crafted bookshelf. It just so happens to be measured to exactly fit her body! How convenient!

Thanks North House Folk School for making my final resting accommodations affordable, multi-functional, and home-made!

Where Are the Chips?

2005-09-28T10:50:00.000-05:00

So Matt, Rachel and I decided to go out for drinks last night. We wanted Margaritas and Matt wanted fajitas. So of course we went to La Cucaracha. Who doesn't want to eat at a place called the Cockroach??? Actually its good food, I just always thought that it was a pretty poor name choice.

Anyway, we get our table and look at the menu and Rachel leans over and says, "Yeah I heard about this place, the make you pay for chips!" It was as if there was this hushed rumor going around about the Mexican restaurant that made you pay for chips. "$1.25!" Rachel says. "For chips!" You could tell this chip thing was a pretty big deal. But we enjoyed our drinks, Matt's fajitas were good, my tacos were decent, and Rae had spicy soup. On the way out Rae reignited her chip argument. "Seriouisly, who charges for chips? They should be standing there with a basket when you walk in the door."

Sh has a point. Chips and salsa are part of the Mexican restaurant experience. Most places to give em away. I'm not sure if a man with a basket at the door is necessary, I be ok with a fresh basket at my table, but Rachel expects more of her Mexican restaraunts. But really, when you get right down to it, if you're gonna eat at The Cockroach, the least they could do is give you free chips.

New Template

2005-09-26T22:42:00.000-05:00

So something happened to my old template. It randomly decided to be an ass and move my entire sidebar to the end of the page. After much fighting and frustration I chose a new one (which i don't like much) and make some changes to it. The color os a bit nauseating, but it'll have to do til i find something better. Boo blogger....Boo.

The Heart of the Matter is...Denny (Mark)

2005-09-23T14:01:00.000-05:00

C-Lover, I know you don't give a "rat's pituitary" (did you mean patootie?) about the MMC, but last night's events require an entry.

Matt and I were going to call it an early night until we saw Denny. Yes, I know his name is Mark and I'm not sure how we got Denny out of that, but he will always be Denny to us. Well, after Matt and I saw that Denny was there, we knew we couldn't leave til after Heart of the Matter. And it was definitely worth waiting out the 1/2 hour long set break. (This is after Tony was on stage looking for the rest of the band...I'm sure there was "band stuff" going on). So yes, Denny is back in all his glory. His mic was on and he was in rare form, including the scream/yell at the end of the song. Jean, you missed a fine performance. This performance was only enhanced by Smokey and Ryan's reactions to Denny. It's obvious they missed his musical stylings as much as we did.

Just a couple of quick things: The woman who will now be know as "the Rave" was there. Jean you might remember her from the Rush as the woman who was pressing her ear up to the amps. She's a freak. She had on more glow necklaces, bracelets, and sticks than you could...shake a glow stick at. There was also some weird guy sketching Tony and Dave in charcoals while reading the City Pages. I'm convinced he's a court artist and is perhaps just practicing for future trials. Still a bit strange.

See you next week!

Welcome to the World Cute Shoes!

2005-09-22T13:08:00.000-05:00

Since I know Ryan doesn't care about the MMC, here's a subject he'll care about. Some of you may know about my search for cute brown shoes. A few years ago (during forensics) I found the cutest brown shoes ever born. Now, I still think they're cute, but I've sort of gotten over them. Besides I need practical brown shoes for work. Well in my search for prectical shoes (which I found and now own) I also found the new cutest brown shoes ever born. The best thing is that the heel is small enough to still be good for work!

So, I'd like to say welcome to my closet shoes! Ryan, they are Kenneth Cole "Mr. Boss" in chocolate brown. And here they are!

Marshall Fields storm watch 2005 & Hey Billy Larson!

2005-09-22T12:52:00.000-05:00

So we had a pretty big storm last night!!! Actually it was huge! Tornadoes in Roseville, Arden Hills, Rogers...Warnings and watches all night, flash floods...and all this happened while i was at work.

At about 7:15pm the tornado sirens started going off in Ramsey county. I was the person on radio in my department, so the manager told that she was going to make an announcement to move to the first floor, then I had to make sure all guests started going down. The we head downstairs at about 7:25. One woman I work with also works for Homeland security so she was on her phone getting updates from work about the storm. We knew we were gonna be stuck down by the escalators fro at least half an hour. We couldn't leave til the sirens/warning expired at 8:00pm. So were all sitting there...bored and knowing that there isn't any real danger since the most serious part of the storm was north of us. So I'm sitting there and who should walk up to me but Billy Larson of the MMC. Jean- He was wearing the fabled dolphin shirt. I didn't believe you, but it actually does exist. I'm so glad I was able to see it. So yeah- Billy needed to buy a birthday gift card. And he did. I sold it to him. Happy Birthday to whomever. Then off he went..back out into the storm like the enigma he is.

Anyway....the warning expired at 8, which is when we're supposed to close. People were pissed. They wanted to keep shopping. I just wanted to close and go home...So I did.

Bingo Brawl

2005-09-21T11:32:00.000-05:00

Well, Matt and I spend yesterday together since we both had the day off. After shopping for a few hours (and I didn't buy anything!!!) Matt and I sat down and tried to figure what to do for the evening. I didn't want to sit at home, there weren't any movies we wanted to see, no bands we wanted to hear, and it was too early to start drinking. (well, not really too early...its never too early but we wanted to wait til it was dark out). We thought about the casino, but then Matt mentioned BINGO. Well alright sir, but I'm not sure you're gonna enjoy the white trash as much as Jean and I...I mean didn't you spend the day shopping at Express and Banana Republic? Not exactly BINGO style.

Well we get there are find out its "birthday night". Birthday night???Jean did you know about this? Apparently if you have a birthday in that month you get a free bingo card, a dauber, a balloon, and a CUPCAKE!!!! Yes, that's right a free cupcake. Well, rest assured the freaks came out for birthday night.

When we were in line to buy our cards, some crazy woman was talking to Matt about this garbage bag of stuffed animals that she got for her birthday and how much she "just loves them". Well about 1/2 hour later this woman was heard screaming from the smoking room "fuck that I gave you my money!!!" as she was dragged from the room by security guards. Wow! Excitement at Hillcrest BINGO!

But, the near brawl happened during the end of the evening. Let me give you a bit of a background first: There was a group of 4 young women sitting behind Matt and I. There were pretty trashy. One girl was wearing a pink addidas tracksuit with a pink Nike hat. BREATHE RYAN...it'll be ok. Another girl was pretty fat...and I know fat. But she was wearing a tight cami without a bra and couldn't really fit between the chairs when she was walking. Please put more clothes on Ma'am. Anyway, matt and I overheard them talking at one point and this is how it went. (please imagine a thick Fargo-esque accent)
"Oh yah? That must be a pretty big town."
"Yah. Ya know they got that big Super Wal-Mart out there now"
"Yah. That is a pretty big town out there"

If only Matt and I knew which town they were talking about, we could check out the super wal-mart. (What's up with that wal-mart anyway Jean?) So one of these women nearly started a brawl during the last game of the night: the all important $1000 coverall game (which Matt was only 2 numbers away from winning). Near the beginning of the game, one of these women's cellphone/walkie-talkie things goes beebeep. and then some guy and talking. beebeep then she starts talking beebeep more of the guy. At this point the old folks start getting restless. Coughing, grumbling. Beebeep. "Hey turn that thing off!" more talking beebeep. Now the old man near me turns around and yells, "turn that damn thing off! don't you know you're not supposed to use that here?" beebeep "I don't fucking care! I'm talking to my husband!" Beebeep
This goes on for about 3-5 minutes, which in BINGO time is a long time. Finally the white trash conversation is over, but the old people are pissed. They're tattling. "She was using her phone!"

Matt and I decided to leave before the canes and walkers were thrown over our heads at the white trash girls. It was gonna get ugly.

The Return of Slutzilla

2005-09-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

Well Jean, you missed a good night at the MMC. I haven’t been able to write until now thanks to two 14+ hour days at work, but I’m sure I’ll get to that later.

First of all, the O’Brien/Petrie mother/daughter night didn’t work out so well. Stupid Rachel getting cast as Helena in the U of M’s Midsummer Night’s Dream. Congrats Rae!!! But the O’Brien portion showed up strong and was soon joined by Matt. We had prime seats on the rail, sitting next to….guess who??? None other than Slutzilla! Yay!!!! Slutzilla returns! Apparently Slutzilla (aka Amazon) is a big fat crying liar when she said she wasn’t coming anymore. She was there in trashy suede stilettos and a mini skirt slutting it up with a set of twins and bopping around in her chair, whacking Matt in the face with her nasty hair. Sorry Matt and thanks for taking one for the team. So yes…Slutzilla is back and slutier than ever. But she has a friend…

The Clap (formerly known as George’s girlfriend) was in rare form. Now keep in mind that we used to like her. She was kinda cute, a pretty good dancer, and then says “right on” when Jean wears her Elvis shirt. We even give her credit for being able to follow some of the most ridiculous dancers. However, she has slowly been working up the slut ladder with her clothes and her dancing. I should mention that initially, she earned her name because she of often claps her hands above her head to just about any song. However, as you may guess, the Clap’s name can certainly have a double meaning. Especially after how much I saw of her on Thursday night. The Clap was wearing some of the shortest skorts I’ve ever seen. Yes…I said skort. Daisy Dukes in the back, skirt in the front. (Is this the mullet of skirts/shorts??? I’m not sure) Anyway, the Clap had on the shortest skort ever made. To make it worse, she kept doing these high kicks while she was dancing. Pretty sure I saw more of the Clap’s crotch than I ever wanted to see. Wait…let me check….yep I’m sure. PLUS…she’s trying to seduce Mr. Shoeless. Now Jean…you know how we feel about Shoeless…how dare the Clap mess with her!!!! The Clap was dancing with Mr. Shoeless and at one point I saw him rubbing her back. AND…the Clap intentionally bent over like a big ole stripper in front of him to pick something up off the floor and Mr. Shoeless’ eyes were glued to her ass! How dare he! So needless to say I’m a little mad at the Clap and a little grossed out that I had to see so much of her crotch (Matt even threw up in his mouth a little bit).

Let’s see….what else did Jean miss. Tony dropped his mic, but kept right on singing. Smokey (in his Smokey the bear shirt) was singing along to just about everything and caught me laughing at him Sorry Smokey…I didn’t mean it. Tony was not only jazzing up everything with shoo be doos but he was pretty dirty: Why don’t you slip it in the back door…if you love me…you’ll let me slide right into you. DIRTY!!! They all looked pretty hott. (Fuck it…I’m still saying that even if they’re reading…it’s true). And Ryan did speak again….though I had to talk to him first. He asked me if he really did call Dave fat that many times last week. I was sad to inform him that yes he had said it all (Jean even asked if she could quote him). He said that he’d have to stay more sober next time he talked to us. I disagree…I think we get better stuff when they’re drunk! SO, anyway, sorry if we got you in trouble Ryan!

Well, being that this all happened four days ago, that’s all I can remember. I’m sure I’m forgetting things. I can’t remember all of the crazy dancers…though I know there were a bunch. So…see you next week!

Let the Christmas Season commence!

2005-09-12T14:15:00.000-05:00

That's right ladies and gentleman! I spent 8.5 hours unpackaging Christmas crap that sells from $10-$150 yesterday for Marshall Fields. Once my shift was over, another crew of Christmas elves was going to spend 6 hours actually putting it out and decorating the department (which i believe happens to be on my floor). This means that I will walk into work tomorrow afternoon and be confronted with a Winter Wonderland....in September!!! Cuz it isn't bad enough that at one of my other jobs I will have to start production work on Christmas of Swing! Now I'm gonna get beat over the head at 2 out of 3 places of employment...gee I can't wait till i start bartending the Christmas concerts as the Fitzgerald too! God bless us everyone!!!

" This one goes out to the blog girls" & "Ryan can talk!!!"

2005-09-12T13:13:00.000-05:00

" This one goes out to the blog girls"
That's what Tony said on Thursday night....at first Jean and I didn't quite understand him. But about three seconds later, I realized what he said:
"Jean, he said 'the blog girls' "
"oh....shit"
"yeah, guess they've been reading"
"Shannon, I think we need to buy them shots"
"I think you're right"
And so the evening continued with some shots, more beers, more dancing, and (I'm ashamed) more cigarettes. It was a good night...but it was about the get better...

"Ryan can talk!!!"
It's true ladies and gentleman, Ryan Senechal, drummer of the Tony Sims Band can talk. During Tony's acoustic set Jean wanted to go talk to Smokey and while we were sitting there Ryan came up. I nearly fell off my barstool when he asked, Which one of you is Shan O'Brien. I hung my head in shame. That'd be me. So now he has a face to put with the blog he's been reading at work. And who's box was Burkart playing with? This is getting worse. That's also me. So they've officially been reading the archives. And who called Burkart chubby? What's with the 20 questions??? ALSO ME! Then I felt the need to explain the whole chubby thing and how I didn't really mean it and I'm the last one to talk and... no, you're right. Burkart's fat. We tell him that every day. For the record, those are Ryan's words, not mine.

Well, we found out a lot of things...Ryan talks for one. He was wondering why he was getting much attention on the blog (other than his angry faces...he assured us that he isn't actually angry. He enjoys playing and his wife tells him that he makes faces all the time). Jean and I told him that he'd get more blog time if he talked. Well Ryan, I hope this is what you had in mind. I would like to congratulate you on getting your own entry in the blog. Thanks for telling us about Amazon...aka Slutzilla and the preacher who sits in the back. We'll continue to let you know via our blogs what's going on out the in front of the stage. See you next Thursday!

Oh, and TSB members...feel free to comment...let us know you're reading.
Jean- we'll miss you this week while you're in Arizona, but its gonna be O'Brien & Petrie Mother/Daughter night at the MMC

I "heart" California

2005-09-08T13:53:00.000-05:00

I have returned to rainy Minnesota after a week in wonderfully sunny California.

I was out there for a week visiting my friend Henry and we had an amazing time. I'll keep this entry short since I'll be doing a picture blog of the trip soon...I'm just waiting on getting Henry's pictures since his turned out beautiful and mine pale in comparison. But, since he's all high tech editing guy, it might take a while til i get the edited versions of them.

But, Henry and I had a great week.

At Dave and Busters, I beat all the guys at skee ball.

We went to the Wild Animal Park and saw a ton of really cool animals...and I fed a giraffe! Again...pictures to come, but here's a couple for now...
this lemur was just hangin' out.
lots of elephants...and a baby!
the lions slept in this Land Rover...it was pretty cute.

We also went to the Aquarium of the Pacific...a favorite of the WSU forensics team. I pet many bat rays and sharks and a fat little Asian kid pushed me over, which Henry found very amusing.

At the Getty museum...
I got to see some beautiful paintings including one of Monet's Rouen Cathedral paintings.

All of these great activities were followed by eating a ton of great food thatw as not at all good for me...hopefully i was able to work it all off...after all, we did a lot of walking!

Well, that'll be it for now...but there will be more pictures soon!

I would like to welcome Dave Burkart to my Blog

2005-08-23T13:45:00.000-05:00

Well, shit! Jean and I thought we were being so cautious, but perhaps Dave's brother is a search engine genius because as it turns out...he's found my blog. I can only imagine the look of sheer terror and embarassment on my face as Dave came up to me saying, "Hey! I found your website!" I look at Jean and her face is saying what i'm thinking: "Shit, fuck, oh god, this can't be good, lets get out of here." But Dave graciaously talked about how funny it was that we call their "psycho #2" Slutzilla. I'm glad he brought that up rather than continue discussing how i once (mistakenly) called him "chubby" in a cowboy hat (which he's not) or how I pretty much love it any time he plays Yesterday because its one of my favorite songs and Istarted requesting it MONTHS ago.

So, since Dave was such a good sport about the ridiculous things i've said in this blog, and because of regret and embarassmane that I'm currently feeling, I think I owe some explanations. Jean I'm borrowing your list format since i think that is best suited for the number of ridiculous things we've said/done over the last 11 months of hearing the TSB.

- firstly, as Jean also mentions, we aren't psycho...I promise. We happily stumbled upon Thursday nights at the cafe. And Rachel, Matt and I, pleasantly stumbled upon Dave at Keegan's because of our Monday Irish Pub Night.

-I freely admit that we've sort of become groupies. We love coming to hear the great music and stories (I can't count the number of times I've practically spit on the two steppers during "story time with Tony"), and we love the people watching at the MMC.

-speaking of people watching...glad you like the Slutzilla title...Barbie's Grandma is another favorite, as is Shoeless. If you're looking for a name for us...Jean and I figured it might be "chubby girls on the rail" but we're not sure we really wanna know what you might call us.

-Tony, we love the creative lyrics you use: stick in the back door, if you love me...you'll let me do all sorts of stuff to you, you smell nice...feel tight. Yes, we notice and we love them.

-Dave you don't look chubby in cowboy hats...and i'm the last person who should talk.
-Tony, i know i make fun of the white leather jacket, but it works on you.
-Smokey, thanks for talking to us after doing "band stuff"...you saved us (unknowingly) from creepy guys at Bogarts
-Ryan, we like the faces you make.

-So, thanks for being understanding. If you've dug through the archives, you've read things that I'm not proud of, but I hope they've at least made you laugh. We're really excited about the new record deal and can't wait to hear more. We'll continue to be there every Thursday night possible cuz we love your music, love the MMC and the crazy people who are there, and love our Bud Lights...

Til next Thursday,
~one of your gilrs on the rail

To Pee or Not to Pee

2005-08-12T14:23:00.000-05:00

Well I was going to write about my 2nd interview with “Krissy” who kept asking me if I was “goal orientated”, had the limpest handshake I’ve ever received and couldn’t come up with the difficult words “department” or “company” (though since those words are completely unrelated to retail, I should excuse that). I was going to right about that…but now that I’ve officially been offered the job in the Home department it seems more appropriate to write about the first test Marshall Fields handed me: pee in a cup. (lets count how many times I use that phrase)

First of all can I say that even the phrase “pee in a cup” is gross. But secondly, I hate peeing in cups…whether it be for the doctor, a drug test, or that one time that guy asked me to do it…peeing in a cup is nasty. And might I mention that its another thing that women got the short stick on? Its so easy for guys to pee in the cup, but it’s a little awkward for us…back me up ladies. You're just about guarteneed to pee on your hand.

So I get to the testing place and ask for a glass of water, knowing full well that my bladder is not going to cooperate. The lady tells me "No. You have to try first." Fine. Well, of course i wasn't able to fill the little cup up to the line. "Well, you'll just have to drink some water and try again." Duh!!! That's why i asked for water in the first place. Skip ahead 30 minutes later after i drank about a gallon of water. Once again, I have to lock up my purse (in case i brought someone elses urine with me) pick my cup and give it a try. Still not over the line. Once again my bladder fails me. I hate my bladder. At this point i'm thinking about moving in...I know i'm going to be here for a while. In the mean time (while i'm gulping dixie cup after dixie cup of water) 3 guys and 1 girl come in, pee in their cup and leave. They're all in and out in 7 minutes. I've already been there for and hour and 15 minutes. I hate my bladder, i hate marshall fields, and i hate everyone else who can pee in cup.

At this point, my stomach hurts because i've had so much water. Then one other girl walk in and goes in the back to fill her cup. It's at that moment i realize i have to pee. Wait...I have to pee! Right now! I could fill 5 cups...right now! Hurry up girl...i have to go! The 30 gallons of water have caught up to me and now i hate my bladder for a whole different reason. So the girl finishes and i rush back...lock my purse, pick my cup, and fill it over the line. When i came out, the woman who runs the tests actually clapped for me. I was proud of my bladder. I successfully peed in the cup. Of course the sad things is that for the rest of the day...i couldn't stop peeing.

Times I used the phrase "pee in a cup"=8

Back to retail for me!

2005-08-09T11:18:00.000-05:00

So I haven’t updated this blog in months…though I’m pretty sure no one but Jean reads this. So, this is partially because there certainly have been blog worthy events in the last few months and partially because Jean sent and email asking me to update…

Well, I’m back from the Great River Shakespeare Festival. It was a long summer, but good to be back in Winona. Despite the changing town (new Rascals sign, no one I know at Videoland, new soda shop with delicious drinks…) it was nice to be there for a while. So I came back from Winona, returning to my own bed, free food from mom, Tony Sims, and a stage management job with the Fringe Festival. I started working on Corleone, a Fringe show by David Mann which is billed as the Shakespearean Godfather. The incredibly short rehearsal process was hectic, but now we only have 3 performances left. It’s the most popular show in the fringe so far…we’ve turned away dozens of people each day. Its kinda cool to be working the show in the fringe that is not only the most popular, but has a plastic fish…I like having that on my props list.

The problem is that this low paying fringe job is over on Saturday and my low paying job at the History Theatre doesn’t start until October...so I need a interim job (preferably not as low paying). I just happened to be walking through Marshall Fields and saw a hiring sign….why the hell not. 5 ½ years at Kohl’s didn’t kill me, a few months at Dayton’s (as it will always be to me). So after filling out the ½ hour application and then completing the ½ hour personality survey, I met with the HR manager. I meet with a department manager tomorrow who will find the department that “I will be the best fit for”. Please don’t let it be shoes. I hate feet. Don’t know why, I just do. I’m not sure what the pay will be, but sadly it doesn’t even matter. I need money so bad right now. I’m heading to California in a few weeks and I’m only gonna have about $200. Plus there are loan payments coming up…things are not looking good. Thus, it doesn’t matter how much it pays as long as it’s more than the $2.50 an hour I’m used to making. We’ll find out tomorrow I guess!

Jean and I meet our future selves

Of course one plus about being back home is heading to the MMC each Thursday. Oddly enough, the band took time out of smoking pot and being arrogant to talk to us the first night back. Smokey had his button on and thought it was Karma, Dave told me that he sang Yesterday for me, and Tony called me “mama”. We’ve seen a number of remarkably amazing dancers as always. There is “#14” who it turns out was a woman despite first appearances, “purse humper” who dancing with “toothless”, and then there were “jean and I in 30 years”. Jean and I were sitting at the rail in our usual spots enjoying a delightful Bud Light when I noticed a familiar pair of women on the dance floor. There was a blonde with big hair and a terrible dye job and a brownish red head with even bigger hair and an even worse dye job. We immediately recognized ourselves. Their clothing choices were amazing. Jean was wearing a brownish “suit” (I use the term loosely) with a green shell and black sandals. I was wearing a black shirt, white shorts, nylons and sandals. The real me turned to the real Jean and said;
“In 30 years don’t ever let me wear white shorts to the bar.”
“Only to the bar? I’m not letting you wear white shorts anywhere!”
“But what if I work at a Marina? I could wear them to a marina.”
“Ok, if they’re for work…but you can’t wear them out…like to Taco Bell.”
“Ummm, I’m pretty sure I could wear white shorts to Taco Bell…and to Hardees.”
“Ok, but no where else.”
Thanks Jean….you’re a real friend. I’m glad someone is watching out fro my fashion faux pas in 30 years. So Jean and I got an interesting glimpse into our futures at the MMC. Reason #572 why I love that place.

Farm Party Fun Time

2005-06-08T16:54:00.000-05:00

So, one thing that's nice about working for a new theatre company is that people in the town want to throw us parties all the time! This week we were all invited to the Zephyr Community Co-Op Farm Party. What???? A farm party? Well, sure I'll go. The sign says free food and a bon fire! Sign me up! But then came the question....what does one wear to a farm party? Well, needless to say, the variety in appearance was great. But a good time was had by all...

We played some bocce ball. Notice Michael Fitzpatrick (an actor in the company). He's quite the snappy dresser. It was pretty hardcore game...we mean business.

The winning bocce ball team...Best 2 out of 3! I give the credit to the blue balls!

And what is a farm party without animals! It was the season of love for these frogs!

They got me in the mood too!

Then it was time for smores!!!!

Jeff and I made a great smore making team...

Then he ate...talk about greedy!

But all in all I must say that the farm party was a delight! It was my first and hopefully not my last. Good food, great smores, and hot frog porn!!!